Feeds

Text junkies seek SMS detox

Clinics battle to save mobe-crazed addicts

  • alert
  • submit to reddit

Providing a secure and efficient Helpdesk

Are you moody, irritable and even physically ill? Do you suffer from insomnia and eye strain? Are the muscles in your right hand tighter than a gnat's chuff?

Our Victorian ancestors would have put it down to excessive masturbation but, thanks to huge advances in medical science, the truth can now be revealed: you're addicted to text messaging and you need help. Right now.

Thank heavens then for The Priory - a favourite refuge of tired, emotional, drunk and drug-addled UK celebs - which is offering SMS addiction therapy.

Priory addiction supremo Dr Mark Collins says some of his clients are texting for seven hours a day. Which makes us wonder how these poor souls can ever earn enough to book themselves into The Priory in the first place.

Still, business is booming, and set to continue that way for the foreseeable future. Brits now send £1.7 billion worth of texts per annum, up £700m on last year. This rise coincides with a shocking increase in so-called "behavioural" addictions, including shopping and sex, which shrinks reckon "arise from a desire to escape emotional difficulties such as depression, stress or anxiety".

So, if you deal with anxiety by having sex in a Marks & Spencer changing room while texting your best mate, seek professional assistance immediately. Alternatively, and in the best tradition of British self-help, flush your mobile down the toilet and go and have a pint instead. ®

Protecting against web application threats using SSL

More from The Register

next story
Brit telcos warn Scots that voting Yes could lead to HEFTY bills
BT and Co: Independence vote likely to mean 'increased costs'
Phones 4u slips into administration after EE cuts ties with Brit mobe retailer
More than 5,500 jobs could be axed if rescue mission fails
New 'Cosmos' browser surfs the net by TXT alone
No data plan? No WiFi? No worries ... except sluggish download speed
Radio hams can encrypt, in emergencies, says Ofcom
Consultation promises new spectrum and hints at relaxed licence conditions
Blockbuster book lays out the first 20 years of the Smartphone Wars
Symbian's David Wood bares all. Not for the faint hearted
Bonking with Apple has POUNDED mobe operators' wallets
... into submission. Weve squeals, ditches payment plans
This flashlight app requires: Your contacts list, identity, access to your camera...
Who us, dodgy? Vast majority of mobile apps fail privacy test
Apple Watch will CONQUER smartwatch world – analysts
After Applelocalypse, other wristputers will get stuck in
prev story

Whitepapers

Providing a secure and efficient Helpdesk
A single remote control platform for user support is be key to providing an efficient helpdesk. Retain full control over the way in which screen and keystroke data is transmitted.
Saudi Petroleum chooses Tegile storage solution
A storage solution that addresses company growth and performance for business-critical applications of caseware archive and search along with other key operational systems.
Security and trust: The backbone of doing business over the internet
Explores the current state of website security and the contributions Symantec is making to help organizations protect critical data and build trust with customers.
Reg Reader Research: SaaS based Email and Office Productivity Tools
Read this Reg reader report which provides advice and guidance for SMBs towards the use of SaaS based email and Office productivity tools.
Security for virtualized datacentres
Legacy security solutions are inefficient due to the architectural differences between physical and virtual environments.