Feeds

Teen 419er in Trainspotting drug hell

$50m in the bank, but no escape from smacked-up harlot mum

  • alert
  • submit to reddit

Secure remote control for conventional and virtual desktops

We were always led to believe that it's tough up North, but good Lord, we never imagined how truly Dickensian things could be - especially if you're a 14-year-old lad living in some kind of Trainspotting nightmare scenario.

What must be especially galling for the young victim in question is that, a few technicalities aside, he's sitting on a $50m fortune. Now, if only he could liberate those greenbacks, he'd be able to escape his drug-addled strumpet of a mother. And get some much-needed English tuition. Read on:

Dear Sir/Madam

How are you?

I am Tony Fred Willaims i am 14 years old i live in London (Uk) before my father died, now i live with my mother in Scottland. my father is from London (Uk) and my mother is from Scottland. my late father Mr. Fred Willaims was an engineer in London (Uk) before he died in a car acedent this year july 9th 2003. he left $50M (Fifty Million Dollars) in his account before he died. The $50M is in the ( first union naional bank-na london Uk) i have been trying to collect the money from ( first union naional bank-na london Uk) but the Md Ceo Mr James Orriss told me to go and look for some body that is old enough to help me collect the money. I could have told my mother to assist me to collect the $50M for me but my mother and father has divorce before my father died and my father told me to not have anything to do with my mother i dont even want her to know because what my father told me before he died was not a lie, now that i stay with my mother in Scottland she dont even have time for me all she do is to take hard drugs and to bring men to the house to sleep with and she also hate me all the time. i dont want to have anything to do with her. i just want some body that is old enough and honest to help me collect the $50m from the bank as i am to young to take care of $50M. Please i need your help if you can assist me to collect the $50M from the bank i will give you 35% and take 65%. I have the affidavite of claims that makes me the indeed bonified next of kin to my late father Mr. Fred Williams which i have show it to the bank Md Ceo Mr James Orriss. he told me to look for some body that is old enough so that he can send the $50m to the person in 24 hours. if you can help me i will contact Mr. James Orriss and told him that i have find someone who want to help me collect the $50M . and i will give you is contact so that you can contact him to enable him send the $50M to your provided account in 24 hours. if you are intrested to help me get back to me on this my email (tony_fred@tiscali.co.uk ) so that i can forward to you the contact of the bank. I will be waiting for your urgent reply.

Best Regards

Mr Tony Fred Williams.
(tony_fred@tiscali.co.uk )



So, if you are indeed bonified and willing to travel to Scottland and thence to London to confront the monstrous Mr James Orriss, Md Ceo of the first union naional bank-na london Uk, then email poor Tony forthwith. He'll make it worth your while, but do please make sure he puts aside a few quid for his dear old ma's rehab, bless 'er. ®

Bootnote
Thanks to Tim Hammerquist for this one: his is the Trainspotting reference, btw.

Security for virtualized datacentres

More from The Register

next story
Facebook's Zuckerberg in EBOLA VIRUS FIGHT: Billionaire battles bug
US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention contacted as site supremo coughs up
Space exploration is just so lame. NEW APPS are mankind's future
We feel obliged to point out the headline statement is total, utter cobblers
Down-under record: Australian gets $140k for pussy
'Tiffany' closes deal - 'it's more common to offer your wife', says agent
Internet finally ready to replace answering machine cassette tape
It's a simple message and I'm leaving out the whistles and bells
Win a year’s supply of chocolate (no tech knowledge required)
Over £200 worth of the good stuff up for grabs
Swiss wildlife park serves up furry residents to visitors
'It's ecological' says spokesman, now how would you like your Bambi done?
The iPAD launch BEFORE it happened: SPECULATIVE GUFF ahead of actual event
Nerve-shattering run-up to the pre-planned known event
STONER SHEEP get the MUNCHIES after feasting on £4k worth of cannabis plants
Baaaaaa! Fanny's Farm's woolly flock is high, maaaaaan
FedEx helps deliver THOUSANDS of spam messages DIRECT to its Blighty customers
Don't worry Wilson, I'll do all the paddling. You just hang on
Red Bull does NOT give you wings, $13.5m lawsuit says so
Website letting consumers claim $10 cash back crashes after stampede
prev story

Whitepapers

Forging a new future with identity relationship management
Learn about ForgeRock's next generation IRM platform and how it is designed to empower CEOS's and enterprises to engage with consumers.
Cloud and hybrid-cloud data protection for VMware
Learn how quick and easy it is to configure backups and perform restores for VMware environments.
Three 1TB solid state scorchers up for grabs
Big SSDs can be expensive but think big and think free because you could be the lucky winner of one of three 1TB Samsung SSD 840 EVO drives that we’re giving away worth over £300 apiece.
Reg Reader Research: SaaS based Email and Office Productivity Tools
Read this Reg reader report which provides advice and guidance for SMBs towards the use of SaaS based email and Office productivity tools.
Security for virtualized datacentres
Legacy security solutions are inefficient due to the architectural differences between physical and virtual environments.