Feeds

Teen 419er in Trainspotting drug hell

$50m in the bank, but no escape from smacked-up harlot mum

  • alert
  • submit to reddit

Boost IT visibility and business value

We were always led to believe that it's tough up North, but good Lord, we never imagined how truly Dickensian things could be - especially if you're a 14-year-old lad living in some kind of Trainspotting nightmare scenario.

What must be especially galling for the young victim in question is that, a few technicalities aside, he's sitting on a $50m fortune. Now, if only he could liberate those greenbacks, he'd be able to escape his drug-addled strumpet of a mother. And get some much-needed English tuition. Read on:

Dear Sir/Madam

How are you?

I am Tony Fred Willaims i am 14 years old i live in London (Uk) before my father died, now i live with my mother in Scottland. my father is from London (Uk) and my mother is from Scottland. my late father Mr. Fred Willaims was an engineer in London (Uk) before he died in a car acedent this year july 9th 2003. he left $50M (Fifty Million Dollars) in his account before he died. The $50M is in the ( first union naional bank-na london Uk) i have been trying to collect the money from ( first union naional bank-na london Uk) but the Md Ceo Mr James Orriss told me to go and look for some body that is old enough to help me collect the money. I could have told my mother to assist me to collect the $50M for me but my mother and father has divorce before my father died and my father told me to not have anything to do with my mother i dont even want her to know because what my father told me before he died was not a lie, now that i stay with my mother in Scottland she dont even have time for me all she do is to take hard drugs and to bring men to the house to sleep with and she also hate me all the time. i dont want to have anything to do with her. i just want some body that is old enough and honest to help me collect the $50m from the bank as i am to young to take care of $50M. Please i need your help if you can assist me to collect the $50M from the bank i will give you 35% and take 65%. I have the affidavite of claims that makes me the indeed bonified next of kin to my late father Mr. Fred Williams which i have show it to the bank Md Ceo Mr James Orriss. he told me to look for some body that is old enough so that he can send the $50m to the person in 24 hours. if you can help me i will contact Mr. James Orriss and told him that i have find someone who want to help me collect the $50M . and i will give you is contact so that you can contact him to enable him send the $50M to your provided account in 24 hours. if you are intrested to help me get back to me on this my email (tony_fred@tiscali.co.uk ) so that i can forward to you the contact of the bank. I will be waiting for your urgent reply.

Best Regards

Mr Tony Fred Williams.
(tony_fred@tiscali.co.uk )



So, if you are indeed bonified and willing to travel to Scottland and thence to London to confront the monstrous Mr James Orriss, Md Ceo of the first union naional bank-na london Uk, then email poor Tony forthwith. He'll make it worth your while, but do please make sure he puts aside a few quid for his dear old ma's rehab, bless 'er. ®

Bootnote
Thanks to Tim Hammerquist for this one: his is the Trainspotting reference, btw.

Boost IT visibility and business value

More from The Register

next story
MEN WANTED to satisfy town full of yearning BRAZILIAN HOTNESS
'Prettier, better organised, more harmonious than if men were in charge'
Cops baffled by riddle of CHICKEN who crossed ROAD
'Officers were unable to determine Chicken's intent'
Yes, but what are your plans if a DRAGON attacks?
Local UK gov outs most ridiculous FoI requests...
Drunkards warned: If you can't walk in a straight line, don't shop online, you fool!
Put it away boys. Cover them up ladies. Your credit cards, we mean
Why your mum was WRONG about whiffy tattooed people
They're a future source of RENEWABLE ENERGY
Murder accused DIDN'T ask Siri 'how to hide my roommate'
US court hears of cached browser image - not actual request
Chomp that sausage: Brits just LOVE scoffing a Full Monty
Sales of traditional brekkie foods soar as hungry folk get their mitts greasy
prev story

Whitepapers

Best practices for enterprise data
Discussing how technology providers have innovated in order to solve new challenges, creating a new framework for enterprise data.
Implementing global e-invoicing with guaranteed legal certainty
Explaining the role local tax compliance plays in successful supply chain management and e-business and how leading global brands are addressing this.
Advanced data protection for your virtualized environments
Find a natural fit for optimizing protection for the often resource-constrained data protection process found in virtual environments.
How modern custom applications can spur business growth
Learn how to create, deploy and manage custom applications without consuming or expanding the need for scarce, expensive IT resources.
High Performance for All
While HPC is not new, it has traditionally been seen as a specialist area – is it now geared up to meet more mainstream requirements?