Feeds

Cyberkiosk assaults Spanish teenager

Rise of the Machines Part II

  • alert
  • submit to reddit

Intelligent flash storage arrays

It only merited a brief report on Yahoo! yesterday, but the story of the teenager-eating Madrid telephone kiosk further confirms our suspicions that the eventual rise of the machines and the subjugation of humanity is only a matter of time.

The unfortunate victim was trapped by the finger when attempting to get a €1.50 refund from the belligerent booth. The phone's anti-theft system swung into action trapping the eighteen-year-old for over two hours.

She was eventually freed after firefighters completely dismantled the cyberkiosk.

Chillingly, this comes just a couple of years after our report on the shopper-eating cyberloo which ate a middle-aged woman on a trip to Newcastle-uopn-Tyne. On that occasion it also required the violent intervention of the fire brigade to liberate the hostage.

Sadly, the Spanish online media seems oblivious to the threat on its doorstep, with both El Mundo and abc choosing to ignore this terrifying warning. Indeed, we cannot help feeling that changes to the Spanish constitution and the indictment of the former president of Nicaragua will be the least of Spaniards' worries when they are fighting a vicious war of survival against murderous telephonic Terminators over the rubble-strewn remains of Madrid.

Update

In response to those Spaniards who have emailed to point out that the woman in question was trapped by a humble telephone kiosk, and not in fact a malevolent cyberdevice, we'd like to point them and other readers in the direction of 1972 film La Cabina by Antonio Mercero.

The film tells the disturbing story of a man unable to escape from a telephone box which is eventually taken away on the back of a truck, its occupant still inside.

This prophetic work clearly warns of the dark forces which are only now executing their plan for the enslavement of humanity.

And if that doesn't convince you, then try this: when bored, or short of more intellectually rigorous material, journalists will pick on any story which appears to reinforce their own prejudices. In this case, that phone boxes and cybertoilets are the vanguard of a homicidal robot army.

For the record, we concede that Spanish TV has given plenty of coverage to this particular episode. We can only conclude that the "if it bleeds, it leads" principle was applied in this case, in the absence of more pressing material. ®

Remote control for virtualized desktops

More from The Register

next story
Rosetta probot drilling DENIED: Philae has its 'LEG in the AIR'
NOT best position for scientific fulfillment
'Yes, yes... YES!' Philae lands on COMET 67P
Plucky probot aces landing on high-speed space rock - emotional scenes in Darmstadt
THERE it is! Philae comet lander FOUND in EXISTING Rosetta PICS
Crumb? Pixel? ALIEN? Better, it's a comet-catcher!
SEX BEAST SEALS may be egging each other on to ATTACK PENGUINS
Boffin: 'I think the behaviour is increasing in frequency'
HUMAN DNA 'will be FOUND ON MOON' – rocking boffin Brian Cox
Crowdfund plan to stimulate Blighty's space programme
Post-pub nosh neckfiller: The MIGHTY Scotch egg
Off to the boozer? This delicacy might help mitigate the effects
I'M SO SORRY, sobs Rosetta Brit boffin in 'sexist' sexy shirt storm
'He is just being himself' says proud mum of larger-than-life physicist
NASA launches new climate model at SC14
75 days of supercomputing later ...
prev story

Whitepapers

Why and how to choose the right cloud vendor
The benefits of cloud-based storage in your processes. Eliminate onsite, disk-based backup and archiving in favor of cloud-based data protection.
Getting started with customer-focused identity management
Learn why identity is a fundamental requirement to digital growth, and how without it there is no way to identify and engage customers in a meaningful way.
High Performance for All
While HPC is not new, it has traditionally been seen as a specialist area – is it now geared up to meet more mainstream requirements?
Reducing the cost and complexity of web vulnerability management
How using vulnerability assessments to identify exploitable weaknesses and take corrective action can reduce the risk of hackers finding your site and attacking it.
Saudi Petroleum chooses Tegile storage solution
A storage solution that addresses company growth and performance for business-critical applications of caseware archive and search along with other key operational systems.