Those ‘Name the wireless store’ compo results in full
We finally pulled our fingers out
At the time we said we'd draw up a shortlist and put it to a vote. Sadly, circumstances have conspired to drive this ambitious plan onto the rocks. Firstly, the Reg Strategy Boutique failed even to agree on a shortlist - despite more than a dozen power brunches dedicated to the matter. Secondly, the Vulture Central propellorheads estimated the cost of the back-end coding required for such a mammoth undertaking at around €150,000 plus VAT, pizza and sundry expenses.
We're sorry to further report that none of the entries were considered suitable for adoption. Apparently, it has been decided to run with monday: or Braxton or somesuch thrusting rebranding moniker. This sorry state of affairs does, however, allow the small, unelected commitee nominated to decide the winners to make its choices purely on merit, rather than commercial viability.
To recap: five runners-up get a Reg t-shirt of some description, while the overall champion secures a cool £100 to spend in the shop plus a Reg goodie bag. Read on in awe and wonder:
Now, it's no surprise that more than 50 entries nominated The RegiStore. Not enough of the old lateral thinking going on there, we feel.
Of course, there were plenty of other variations on the El Reg theme. Regi Steady Shop (submitted by Hesham) carried the distinctly unsavoury prospect of Ainsley Harriet fussing around the store in a pinny, while Reg-E-Mental! (Paul Fairhurst) will be filed away for use when we open an extreme sports centre in Cumbria.
Likewise, any foray into the anger management business may well end up known as Seeing Reg (Maryse). Very good.
Others tried a play on Cash'n'Carrion, such as Greg Clarke with Carrion Anywhere, or Jonathan Cowie's airCraft Carrion.
Then you've got the acronyms, including Wayne Klapwyk's snappy Real Electronic Gadgets, Intelligent Systems, Technology Excites Reality. Geddit? This is a little shorter: TRASH: The Register's Alternative Shopping Haven (Philip Rolling), although obviously there are going to be no t-shirts for that cheeky monkey.
Neither will Steven Walker, Miles Gaynor nor Ross McNaughton be keeping out the winter chill wrapped in Reg apparel, offering as they did 801B Cups, Bandwagoneers.com! and expansys.com, respectively. There's no need for that, is there?
Equally unrewarded are Adrain Evans's RegWare Phonehouse and Nicolas Ouedraogo's RegLess WireHouse, entries which laugh in the face of the legal airstrike which would undoubtedly follow their adoption.
Enough of this trademark-busting madness and on to the rather more poetic. Consider if you will Aetherium (PNT), Prometheus Unwired (Michael Major) and the deliciously obscure etherchattel by Kevin. Lovely.
Not lovely enough, though, for our elite panel of adjudicators, who have decided to award runner-up prizes to the following:
- The Cash Register - Robert Killington, James Kaye, and also Victor Markwart. Short, sweet and to the point.
- The Roamin' Empire - Jonathan Cozens. Very, very good indeed.
- Pedo's Wireless Gadgeteria of Love - Tom. We're not entirely sure what it means, and are a little concerned about the possible overtones. However, it sounds a lot more inviting than "Mobile, Wireless and PDA Store".
And the winner is...
... Paul May, whose name comes out of the gold envelope for Ether Tigers, a magnificent anagram of The Register, no less.
So, congratulations to Mr May, and thanks to all those many readers who took part. Winners will be notified by email shortly.
No we really don't know what they're going to rename the store, so please don't ask. There will be a breathless fanfare of trumpets on El Reg when the time comes.