Bloggers on wheels
Segway globs unite
The stunning video captured earlier this month of an NYPD Segway sting operation has been met with an equally shocking display of blogging drivel dolled out by scooter worshipers.
The Segwaychat.com outpost has collected some of the world's finest, spoiled children. To their credit, one member of the group did work in conjunction with the NYPD to return the stolen Segway to its owner. Sadly, this achievement has given rise to a nonsensical glob-fest full of talk about shafts, the Segway's finer points and even capital punishment for scooter thieves.
"There is a hero among us," writes the Segwaychat (SC) chief, in a post. "He chooses to remain anonymous. He is a SegwayChat member and Segway HT owner. He's 'one of you.'
"For the last two months, this member has been working and coordinating with other SC'ers on a covert plan to recover a stolen Segway HT. While we can't share all the details at this point, you might be pleased to know the plan was a HUGE SUCCESS and that the stolen Segway has been recovered. It will be returned to the rightful owner shortly."
This poster is remarkably lucid for a blogger and for the Segway species. He is the pride of the SC glob zone. If only the other bloggers-on-wheels could match his eloquence.
"And people wonder why i ride with 3 locks on my control shaft," writes a junior SC member.
More likely, people wonder about you, friend. The SC poster provides a cute picture of his well-locked shaft right next to a Mini. He is a man consumed by the latest fads (speaking of the U.S. here) in transportation. And what of all the shaft talk? Wasn't it enough that the NYPD busted a man named Wang?
"The control-shaft "lift" seems like i'd be "hard" on the control shaft, making it loose," he writes about the NYPD's Segway lifting technique shown in the video. We will assume the "i'd" is a typo and a not a Freudian slip. This man loves his scooter.
Later, another globule writes, "This is bound to be a classic for years to come. Great work everyone. I can't wait to hear the details of this little fiasco. DON'T MESS WITH THE POSE'!."
What could be less intimidating than a Segway posse? Police in various cities already look silly enough chasing after criminals at 12.5 mph, and they have guns. A fleet of docker wearing blog-types searching for the nearest Wi-Fi-ready Starbucks would not strike fear in the hearts of many.
Still, MagiMike insists on running with the theme.
"In Texas we HANG horse thiefs. Grin. Now don't be a teast. Give us the details as soon as possible without hurting court case. PLEASE!!"
Later in the blog session, buffalo takes the chat into a dark realm.
"I've been wondering about DWI (Driving while intoxicated) Segway...but don't give us a bad name."
The damage has already been done, buffalo.
The sense of unity the Segway owners feel must come from their shared predicament. They've purchased a $5,000 scooter that can be rather easily picked up or wheeled away. Their softening bodies must become riddled with anxiety as they wrap a meager bike lock around such expensive kit. The Segway is caught between far more reasonable bikes and much heavier cars in the theft spectrum.
Lucky they have the SC forum in which to extol each others' virtues as Segway owners and assuage their fears. ®
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