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Avoid RSI and find God – simultaneously

The Lord is my ErgoShepherd™

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Internet Security Threat Report 2014

It's a sobering thought that one in six computers users will develop some form of repetitive strain injury during their lifetime. It's also a damning indictment on the quality of US preachers that the average US Christian spends less than four minutes a week reflecting on God.

So, what's the solution? How can the Christian business community inspire its employees to spend more time with God in spiritual reflection while simultaneously avoiding RSI and - critically - improving the bottom line?

Enter Magnitude Information Systems, Inc., creators of ErgoShepherd(TM) - "an enhanced version of Magnitude's flagship consumer offering, ErgoCoach(TM), which utilizes spiritual micro-breaks throughout the day as a core element of injury prevention while using the computer."

When they say "spiritual micro-breaks", they don't mean a slug of vodka in the server room, either. Au contraire, this is the real deal: "Developed in conjunction with Calvary Assembly [of Winter Park, Florida] members and Pastor Clark Whitten's vision for inspiring Christians to spend more time with God, ErgoShepherd(TM) integrates daily scripture with award winning ergonomics and animated exercises."

At this point we'd like to say that we've tried the product and not only has it visibly reduced the incipient signs of RSI, but also provoked an inner sense of spiritual well-being and intimacy with God while improving productivity by 63 per cent. Sadly, we don't have time for that, what with going to church, organising Bible-reading evenings and distributing soup to the poor.

However, if any reader feels a need to fill that spiritual void, they can get ErgoShepherd(TM) here for as little as $29.95. Please let us know how you get on, since the Vulture Central Strategy Boutique needs a few pointers for ErgoReg™ - a new product which gently encourages aerobic exercise (lifting coffee, making paper-clip chains, etc.) while setting the user firmly on the path to enlightenment through the delivery of frivolous stories on American evangelical software products. Watch this space. ®

Bootnote

Apparently, "ErgoShepherd(TM), is being aired on SuperChannel WACX-TV, a Christian Television Ministry, serving Orlando (WACX-TV), Tallahassee (WACX-LP), Gainesville (W69AY) and the rest of the world via Satellite Sky Angel", and is "available only on SuperChannel by donation". Or on the website by paying hard cash, in fact.

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