Feeds

Avoid RSI and find God – simultaneously

The Lord is my ErgoShepherd™

  • alert
  • submit to reddit

The Power of One Brief: Top reasons to choose HP BladeSystem

It's a sobering thought that one in six computers users will develop some form of repetitive strain injury during their lifetime. It's also a damning indictment on the quality of US preachers that the average US Christian spends less than four minutes a week reflecting on God.

So, what's the solution? How can the Christian business community inspire its employees to spend more time with God in spiritual reflection while simultaneously avoiding RSI and - critically - improving the bottom line?

Enter Magnitude Information Systems, Inc., creators of ErgoShepherd(TM) - "an enhanced version of Magnitude's flagship consumer offering, ErgoCoach(TM), which utilizes spiritual micro-breaks throughout the day as a core element of injury prevention while using the computer."

When they say "spiritual micro-breaks", they don't mean a slug of vodka in the server room, either. Au contraire, this is the real deal: "Developed in conjunction with Calvary Assembly [of Winter Park, Florida] members and Pastor Clark Whitten's vision for inspiring Christians to spend more time with God, ErgoShepherd(TM) integrates daily scripture with award winning ergonomics and animated exercises."

At this point we'd like to say that we've tried the product and not only has it visibly reduced the incipient signs of RSI, but also provoked an inner sense of spiritual well-being and intimacy with God while improving productivity by 63 per cent. Sadly, we don't have time for that, what with going to church, organising Bible-reading evenings and distributing soup to the poor.

However, if any reader feels a need to fill that spiritual void, they can get ErgoShepherd(TM) here for as little as $29.95. Please let us know how you get on, since the Vulture Central Strategy Boutique needs a few pointers for ErgoReg™ - a new product which gently encourages aerobic exercise (lifting coffee, making paper-clip chains, etc.) while setting the user firmly on the path to enlightenment through the delivery of frivolous stories on American evangelical software products. Watch this space. ®

Bootnote

Apparently, "ErgoShepherd(TM), is being aired on SuperChannel WACX-TV, a Christian Television Ministry, serving Orlando (WACX-TV), Tallahassee (WACX-LP), Gainesville (W69AY) and the rest of the world via Satellite Sky Angel", and is "available only on SuperChannel by donation". Or on the website by paying hard cash, in fact.

Seven Steps to Software Security

More from The Register

next story
NSA man: 'Tell me about your Turkish connections'
Spooks ask Dabbsy to suggest a nice hotel with pool
Russia sends SEX-CRAZED GECKOS to SPAAAAACE!
In space... no one can hear you're green...
Carlos: Slim your working week to just three days of toil
'Midas World' vision suggests you retire later, watch more tellie and buy more stuff
Yahoo! Japan! launches! service! for! the! dead!
If you're reading this email, I am no longer alive
Plucky Rockall podule man back on (proper) dry land
Bold, barmy Brit adventurer Nick Hancock escapes North Atlantic islet
Motorist 'thought car had caught fire' as Adele track came on stereo
'FIRE' caption on dashboard prompts dunderheaded hard shoulder halt
prev story

Whitepapers

Designing a Defense for Mobile Applications
Learn about the various considerations for defending mobile applications - from the application architecture itself to the myriad testing technologies.
Implementing global e-invoicing with guaranteed legal certainty
Explaining the role local tax compliance plays in successful supply chain management and e-business and how leading global brands are addressing this.
Top 8 considerations to enable and simplify mobility
In this whitepaper learn how to successfully add mobile capabilities simply and cost effectively.
Seven Steps to Software Security
Seven practical steps you can begin to take today to secure your applications and prevent the damages a successful cyber-attack can cause.
Boost IT visibility and business value
How building a great service catalog relieves pressure points and demonstrates the value of IT service management.