Feeds

Court rejects malicious emailer's Papal bull

Welsh Pope impersonator in a whole heap of trouble

  • alert
  • submit to reddit

Security for virtualized datacentres

A man accused of sending malicious emails has landed himself in a whole further heap of trouble by invoking no less than His Holiness the Pope as a character witness, the Telegraph reports.

Julian Evans, 28, of Monmouth, south Wales, found himself hauled before Merthyr Tydfil magistrates on a charge of sending abusive messages to the local T-Mobile call centre after the firm refused him a job. A pretty minor offence, some T-Mobile users might claim, but Evans obviously believed the beak intended to hand down some hard time.

In a desperate bid for leniency, Evans produced the following character reference:

My dear friends in Christ, I regret that we have been unable to protect the Church from this scandal in the case of Julian Evans.

We are obliged to support Julian Evans and we have done throughout these troubled times. Julian has given an immense amount of spiritual, human and social good for the welfare of the Church and humanity.

Yours in Christ, Pope John Paul.


Sadly, this brilliant plan fell apart when the Crown Prosecution Service revealed that Evans had bought the fake commendation on the internet for £50. He now faces sentencing for both sending malicious emails and perverting the course of justice. He will attend court next month to discover his fate. ®



Bootnote

This tremendous tale of electronic abuse and Pope-impersonating Welshman got the old cogs whirring down at Reg merchandising tentacle Cash'n'Carrion. From 1 May, our e-shop will be offering skiving employees a range of plausible written excuses as to why they were unable to attend work at the required hour on a Monday morning. These will include: "Please do not sack Dave for missing three days. I can confirm that he was playing a pivotal role in the Northern Ireland Peace Process. Yours, T. Blair, Prime Minister, Britain", and "Steve will be unable to attend his annual appraisal since we need him to help us out looking for Weapons of Mass Destruction. Thanks, D. Rumsfeld, USA." Prices will start at £30.

Beginner's guide to SSL certificates

More from The Register

next story
Boffins who stare at goats: I do believe they’re SHRINKING
Alpine chamois being squashed by global warming
Space exploration is just so lame. NEW APPS are mankind's future
We feel obliged to point out the headline statement is total, utter cobblers
Down-under record: Australian gets $140k for pussy
'Tiffany' closes deal - 'it's more common to offer your wife', says agent
Internet finally ready to replace answering machine cassette tape
It's a simple message and I'm leaving out the whistles and bells
FedEx helps deliver THOUSANDS of spam messages DIRECT to its Blighty customers
Don't worry Wilson, I'll do all the paddling. You just hang on
The iPAD launch BEFORE it happened: SPECULATIVE GUFF ahead of actual event
Nerve-shattering run-up to the pre-planned known event
Win a year’s supply of chocolate (no tech knowledge required)
Over £200 worth of the good stuff up for grabs
STONER SHEEP get the MUNCHIES after feasting on £4k worth of cannabis plants
Baaaaaa! Fanny's Farm's woolly flock is high, maaaaaan
Adorkable overshare of words like photobomb in this year's dictionaries
And hipsters are finally defined as self-loathing. Sort of
Not a loyal follower of @BritishMonarchy? You missed The QUEEN*'s first Tweet
Her Maj opens 'Information Age' at the Science Museum
prev story

Whitepapers

Cloud and hybrid-cloud data protection for VMware
Learn how quick and easy it is to configure backups and perform restores for VMware environments.
A strategic approach to identity relationship management
ForgeRock commissioned Forrester to evaluate companies’ IAM practices and requirements when it comes to customer-facing scenarios versus employee-facing ones.
High Performance for All
While HPC is not new, it has traditionally been seen as a specialist area – is it now geared up to meet more mainstream requirements?
Three 1TB solid state scorchers up for grabs
Big SSDs can be expensive but think big and think free because you could be the lucky winner of one of three 1TB Samsung SSD 840 EVO drives that we’re giving away worth over £300 apiece.
Security for virtualized datacentres
Legacy security solutions are inefficient due to the architectural differences between physical and virtual environments.