Feeds

Hoaxster hacker discovers infinite-wealth algorithm

Pennies from Heaven

  • alert
  • submit to reddit

Secure remote control for conventional and virtual desktops

Hacker stunt-double and convicted financial fraudster Kim Schmitz (aka Kimble) is up to his old tricks, this time with a package of techno trickery for making a killing in the stock market. To satisfy the dreams of instant fortune common to those who believe in fairy tales, he's devised an "AI-based decision system" for share trading which scientifically "selects the optimal combination of trading strategies for current market conditions".

It's called Trendax, "the money-making machine," and it "uses a complex combination of sophisticated technical analysis, real-time content analysis of news feeds, multi-dimensional statistical analysis and advanced proprietary mathematical techniques," we're told.

If the technobabble alone isn't enough of a clue, we might recall that only last Summer a Munich court rewarded Schmitz with a twenty-month suspended
sentence for running a stock manipulation scam called Kimvestor expected to net him something in the range of $1.5 million.

Also at around that time, he'd been promoting his name and his scheme with the creation of a 31337 hacker crew called YIHAT (Young Intelligent Hackers Against Terrorism), which claimed to have penetrated Osama bin Laden's bank accounts and to be on the verge of locating him.

Undaunted by his near-jail experience, Schmitz has brought his enviable knowledge of computer science to bear in creating the all-seeing Trendax "AI Brain," a mighty digital oracle which boasts such features as "neural networks for market movements with multi-dimensional analysis of market conditions using proprietary indicators," and "lexical analysis, a natural language processor and machine learning." Even better, it possesses capabilities in "reverse optimization using various mathematical algorithms, fuzzy logic, genetic algorithms [and] evolutionary computing."

Minimum investments of $50,000 in the Trendax fund are now being accepted from those eager to enjoy a once-in-a-lifetime experience. ®

Secure remote control for conventional and virtual desktops

More from The Register

next story
Ex-US Navy fighter pilot MIT prof: Drones beat humans - I should know
'Missy' Cummings on UAVs, smartcars and dying from boredom
Facebook, Apple: LADIES! Why not FREEZE your EGGS? It's on the company!
No biological clockwatching when you work in Silicon Valley
The 'fun-nification' of computer education – good idea?
Compulsory code schools, luvvies love it, but what about Maths and Physics?
Doctor Who's Flatline: Cool monsters, yes, but utterly limp subplots
We know what the Doctor does, stop going on about it already
'Cowardly, venomous trolls' threatened with TWO-YEAR sentences for menacing posts
UK government: 'Taking a stand against a baying cyber-mob'
Happiness economics is bollocks. Oh, UK.gov just adopted it? Er ...
Opportunity doesn't knock; it costs us instead
Sysadmin with EBOLA? Gartner's issued advice to debug your biz
Start hoarding cleaning supplies, analyst firm says, and assume your team will scatter
prev story

Whitepapers

Forging a new future with identity relationship management
Learn about ForgeRock's next generation IRM platform and how it is designed to empower CEOS's and enterprises to engage with consumers.
Cloud and hybrid-cloud data protection for VMware
Learn how quick and easy it is to configure backups and perform restores for VMware environments.
Three 1TB solid state scorchers up for grabs
Big SSDs can be expensive but think big and think free because you could be the lucky winner of one of three 1TB Samsung SSD 840 EVO drives that we’re giving away worth over £300 apiece.
Reg Reader Research: SaaS based Email and Office Productivity Tools
Read this Reg reader report which provides advice and guidance for SMBs towards the use of SaaS based email and Office productivity tools.
Security for virtualized datacentres
Legacy security solutions are inefficient due to the architectural differences between physical and virtual environments.