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Hoaxster hacker discovers infinite-wealth algorithm

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Hacker stunt-double and convicted financial fraudster Kim Schmitz (aka Kimble) is up to his old tricks, this time with a package of techno trickery for making a killing in the stock market. To satisfy the dreams of instant fortune common to those who believe in fairy tales, he's devised an "AI-based decision system" for share trading which scientifically "selects the optimal combination of trading strategies for current market conditions".

It's called Trendax, "the money-making machine," and it "uses a complex combination of sophisticated technical analysis, real-time content analysis of news feeds, multi-dimensional statistical analysis and advanced proprietary mathematical techniques," we're told.

If the technobabble alone isn't enough of a clue, we might recall that only last Summer a Munich court rewarded Schmitz with a twenty-month suspended
sentence for running a stock manipulation scam called Kimvestor expected to net him something in the range of $1.5 million.

Also at around that time, he'd been promoting his name and his scheme with the creation of a 31337 hacker crew called YIHAT (Young Intelligent Hackers Against Terrorism), which claimed to have penetrated Osama bin Laden's bank accounts and to be on the verge of locating him.

Undaunted by his near-jail experience, Schmitz has brought his enviable knowledge of computer science to bear in creating the all-seeing Trendax "AI Brain," a mighty digital oracle which boasts such features as "neural networks for market movements with multi-dimensional analysis of market conditions using proprietary indicators," and "lexical analysis, a natural language processor and machine learning." Even better, it possesses capabilities in "reverse optimization using various mathematical algorithms, fuzzy logic, genetic algorithms [and] evolutionary computing."

Minimum investments of $50,000 in the Trendax fund are now being accepted from those eager to enjoy a once-in-a-lifetime experience. ®

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