Feeds

Pay off the US National Debt – Nigerians help out!

Let's help these poor people

  • alert
  • submit to reddit

Internet Security Threat Report 2014

Letter Reg Reader Jim Davis offers a modest proposal to get the US out of recession.

I have discovered an amazing truth that could help to pull our country out of our economic recession!

Every man, woman and child (and, I feel the evidence will show, a good percentage of the house pets) in Nigeria is secreting away a vast fortune in American currency! These caches rang from 18 to 58 million dollars (or, as they would say, "EIGHTEEN MILLION TO FIFTY-EIGHT MILLION AMERICAN DOLLARS"). It is kept in various trunks, hidden accounts and mattresses across the globe.

I know this because, through what is obviously a fluke coincidence, every single person in Nigeria has contacted me within the last six months - many more than once. Some dozens of times! Nearly unbelievable, I know, but absolutely true!

In 2001 Nigeria's population was 126,635,626. Considering a (conservative) average personal holding of 29 million dollars that means that (conservatively again!) there's 3,672,433,154,000,000 (or "THREE QUADRILLION, SIX HUNDRED AND SEVENTY-TWO TRILLION, FOUR HUNDRED AND THIRTY-THREE BILLION, ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY-FOUR MILLION AMERICAN DOLLARS") being held by the populace of Nigeria.

Now I would never dream of suggesting anything illegal. Luckily all of these people are the victims of vile plots and political misdeeds.

Their funds are purely legitimate. Unfortunately every single one, for various reasons, requires the aide of a foreign partner to collect the funds. However they are willing to offer an assistance fee of 10%! Nearly unbelievable, I know, but absolutely true!

If we could put aside our personal greed and convince the US government to assist these poor people en masse, in the name of the American people, we could, in total, earn 367,243,315,400,000 dollars.

That influx of funds would, of course, be enough to wipe out our national debt, revitalize social security and other troubled government programs and reverse the current economic downturn! And we would be helping a nation and gaining a valuable ally in politically volatile Africa.

Nearly unbelievable, I know, but absolutely true!

I am now collecting evidence that similar situations may also be in existence in such unlikely places as the Congo, Angola and Cambodia. I will keep you posted!

© 2002 Jim Davis. Jim's spoof first appeared on this BB

Choosing a cloud hosting partner with confidence

More from The Register

next story
Facebook's Zuckerberg in EBOLA VIRUS FIGHT: Billionaire battles bug
US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention contacted as site supremo coughs up
Space exploration is just so lame. NEW APPS are mankind's future
We feel obliged to point out the headline statement is total, utter cobblers
FedEx helps deliver THOUSANDS of spam messages DIRECT to its Blighty customers
Don't worry Wilson, I'll do all the paddling. You just hang on
Down-under record: Australian gets $140k for pussy
'Tiffany' closes deal - 'it's more common to offer your wife', says agent
Internet finally ready to replace answering machine cassette tape
It's a simple message and I'm leaving out the whistles and bells
The iPAD launch BEFORE it happened: SPECULATIVE GUFF ahead of actual event
Nerve-shattering run-up to the pre-planned known event
Win a year’s supply of chocolate (no tech knowledge required)
Over £200 worth of the good stuff up for grabs
STONER SHEEP get the MUNCHIES after feasting on £4k worth of cannabis plants
Baaaaaa! Fanny's Farm's woolly flock is high, maaaaaan
Boffins who stare at goats: I do believe they’re SHRINKING
Alpine chamois being squashed by global warming
Swiss wildlife park serves up furry residents to visitors
'It's ecological' says spokesman, now how would you like your Bambi done?
prev story

Whitepapers

Forging a new future with identity relationship management
Learn about ForgeRock's next generation IRM platform and how it is designed to empower CEOS's and enterprises to engage with consumers.
Why and how to choose the right cloud vendor
The benefits of cloud-based storage in your processes. Eliminate onsite, disk-based backup and archiving in favor of cloud-based data protection.
Three 1TB solid state scorchers up for grabs
Big SSDs can be expensive but think big and think free because you could be the lucky winner of one of three 1TB Samsung SSD 840 EVO drives that we’re giving away worth over £300 apiece.
Reg Reader Research: SaaS based Email and Office Productivity Tools
Read this Reg reader report which provides advice and guidance for SMBs towards the use of SaaS based email and Office productivity tools.
Security for virtualized datacentres
Legacy security solutions are inefficient due to the architectural differences between physical and virtual environments.