Feeds

Pay off the US National Debt – Nigerians help out!

Let's help these poor people

  • alert
  • submit to reddit

High performance access to file storage

Letter Reg Reader Jim Davis offers a modest proposal to get the US out of recession.

I have discovered an amazing truth that could help to pull our country out of our economic recession!

Every man, woman and child (and, I feel the evidence will show, a good percentage of the house pets) in Nigeria is secreting away a vast fortune in American currency! These caches rang from 18 to 58 million dollars (or, as they would say, "EIGHTEEN MILLION TO FIFTY-EIGHT MILLION AMERICAN DOLLARS"). It is kept in various trunks, hidden accounts and mattresses across the globe.

I know this because, through what is obviously a fluke coincidence, every single person in Nigeria has contacted me within the last six months - many more than once. Some dozens of times! Nearly unbelievable, I know, but absolutely true!

In 2001 Nigeria's population was 126,635,626. Considering a (conservative) average personal holding of 29 million dollars that means that (conservatively again!) there's 3,672,433,154,000,000 (or "THREE QUADRILLION, SIX HUNDRED AND SEVENTY-TWO TRILLION, FOUR HUNDRED AND THIRTY-THREE BILLION, ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY-FOUR MILLION AMERICAN DOLLARS") being held by the populace of Nigeria.

Now I would never dream of suggesting anything illegal. Luckily all of these people are the victims of vile plots and political misdeeds.

Their funds are purely legitimate. Unfortunately every single one, for various reasons, requires the aide of a foreign partner to collect the funds. However they are willing to offer an assistance fee of 10%! Nearly unbelievable, I know, but absolutely true!

If we could put aside our personal greed and convince the US government to assist these poor people en masse, in the name of the American people, we could, in total, earn 367,243,315,400,000 dollars.

That influx of funds would, of course, be enough to wipe out our national debt, revitalize social security and other troubled government programs and reverse the current economic downturn! And we would be helping a nation and gaining a valuable ally in politically volatile Africa.

Nearly unbelievable, I know, but absolutely true!

I am now collecting evidence that similar situations may also be in existence in such unlikely places as the Congo, Angola and Cambodia. I will keep you posted!

© 2002 Jim Davis. Jim's spoof first appeared on this BB

High performance access to file storage

More from The Register

next story
Forget the beach 'n' boardwalk, check out the Santa Cruz STEVE JOBS FOUNTAIN
Reg reader snaps shot of touching tribute to Apple icon
Happy 40th Playmobil: Reg looks back at small, rude world of our favourite tiny toys
Little men straddle LOHAN, attend tiny G20 Summit... ah, sweet memories...
Oz bank in comedy Heartbleed blog FAIL
Bank: 'We are now safely patched.' Customers: 'You were using OpenSSL?'
Lego is the TOOL OF SATAN, thunders Polish priest
New minifigs like Monster Fighters are turning kids to the dark side
Dark SITH LORD 'Darth Vader' joins battle to rule, er, Ukraine
Only I can 'make an empire out of a republic' intones presidential candidate
Chinese company counters pollution by importing fresh air
Citizens line up for bags of that sweet, sweet mountain air
Google asks April Fools: Want a job? Be our 'Pokemon Master'
Mountain View is prankin' like it's 1999...
prev story

Whitepapers

Securing web applications made simple and scalable
In this whitepaper learn how automated security testing can provide a simple and scalable way to protect your web applications.
Five 3D headsets to be won!
We were so impressed by the Durovis Dive headset we’ve asked the company to give some away to Reg readers.
HP ArcSight ESM solution helps Finansbank
Based on their experience using HP ArcSight Enterprise Security Manager for IT security operations, Finansbank moved to HP ArcSight ESM for fraud management.
The benefits of software based PBX
Why you should break free from your proprietary PBX and how to leverage your existing server hardware.
Mobile application security study
Download this report to see the alarming realities regarding the sheer number of applications vulnerable to attack, as well as the most common and easily addressable vulnerability errors.