Feeds

On penis burns, red hot laptops – and badgers

  • alert
  • submit to reddit

Internet Security Threat Report 2014

Letters Man burns penis with laptop

The sorry tale of the 50 year-old victim prompted a bulging postbag including this outpouring of sympathy from Henry Keultjes: I pitty a guy who has that little sensitivity in his pecker. Which begs the question: what is Henry made of?

Dr Jon Jenkins, from Australia notes: I thought I would just point out that the penis does not have heat sensory nerve fibres. So it is [theoretically] quite possible to not know that your appendage is suffering from exposure to heat.

Fellow Antipodean Charles Manning sings the praise of laptops on naked laps: You obviously know nothing about the thrills of using a laptop. Sufficient clothing to provide thermal protection would kill the enjoyment of CD vibration. Keep your New Zealand ways to yourself, Charles.

Now for matters Dell, Microsoft (yes, The Beast could be to blame!), penis filters, penis protectors and badgers



Red Hot Deals from DELL Here



Funny coincidence your article about "man burns his ....".

Just yesterday night I was happily doing some coding on my new portable (A Dell 2650 P4 M, (not desktop chip!) 1,7 GGz, 512 MB ram), when I heard a loud "crack" . Having so much paper on my desk, I couldn't see what had happened. Upon waking up this morning, I realised what had happened: the glass cover of my table (wooden table with glass cover, about 2 inches thick) was cracked from side to side!

The Dell 2650 has (funnily enough) a fan that ejects hot air downwards, towards the surface it is sitting on; since the machine has the ability of becoming very very hot (uncomfortable, because the heat rises from the keyboard towards your hands), I always wondered if that particular fan would not cause problems some day;
Well, there you have it.

Maybe a nice asbestos table would do the trick.....

Giacomo Bruzzo



When I searched on Google the first hit returned was a promoted link for err... Dell.

COMPUTERS - Red Hot Deals from DELL Here!
www.dell.co.uk DELL PCs - Computer Accessories - Great Deals - Order Online!

Brings a whole new meaning to Red Hot!

++Mark.



I was a technical support supervisor for Dell for 2 years. The reports of people getting "heated" with their portable computer is not uncommon. This is why Dell started referring to them as "Portable" computers instead of "Laptop" computers. We stressed to incoming technicians the difference, in that systems made after 1999 use extremely powerful processors and can generate a large amount of heat. Due to engineering restrictions, a portable computer does not have the same cooling attributes as a desktop, and the entire bottom of the system is often used as a heatsink. The system builds heat so gradually that one could sustain a mild burn over a course of time (i.e. while using the system on battery power during a short commercial flight). Unfortunately, many people don't fully grasp the heat generated byt a system's processor until they see a graphic demonstration, such as the gentleman who fried an egg on an Athlon processor.

Clarence Schmalenberger



It was Microsoft wot done it!!!!



Perhaps the question shouldn't be 'which make of laptop', but 'which make of wordprocessor?'.

While looking at some documents in Word 2000, I noticed that the fan on my laptop (not on my lap...) was permanently on & things were getting warm. Further investigation revealed the CPU usage stuck at 100%.

A quick hit on Microsoft revealed knowledgebase article 220439:

http://support.microsoft.com/default.aspx?scid=KB;en-us;220439&

As suggested, disabling language auto detect had my machine running nice & cool again.

Perhaps the poor guy's PC was overheated by a bug in the world's favourite word processor...

Graham Hawkins



Banias or Penis?



I've tried to forward your story to friend at Intel,
however my mail was returned by Intel server with this
comment:(reason: 553 5.0.0 Inappropriate subject)

Sergei Drizlikh



It's called Hot Groin



The Laptop Desk is an affordable ($29.95 US) accessory that would benefit any notebook user. It would even benefit a Tablet PC user who'll be using it on their lap, or on a desk in the traditional keyboard-entry notebook style (like the Toshiba Portégé 3505, or Compaq's TC1000).

It was designed to be easily transported, and used in multiple ways:

1). As a lap desk, it spans the entire lap (guys don't have to sit withtheir legs together anymore), creates ample workspace for the largest portables, and prevents 'hot leg' - or 'hot groin!'

2). Folded over, it becomes a desktop stand that allows users to elevate their notebook's screen, as well as incline its keyboard to one of five more natural typing angles. (If you've ever typed on a flat notebook, you know you have to raise your arms which can strain the neck and back.)

3). It is thin and extremely light weight so it fits right next to thenotebook in any computer bag when folded.

Other features:

No slip rubber surfaces keep the portable from sliding no matter where you're using it. It reduces heat build-up in any notebook by 15% to 20%, extending its useful life.

Michelle Moody
Moody & Associates
PR for LapWorks, Inc.

This one's not immediately useful

Here is a company that have a good and effective solution based on a phase-change-material that goes liquid at 28 degrees Celsius, it should be very good cooling because of phase-change.

Maybe some of your readers might be interested in the product, you can read about it here:

http://www.climator.com/passivecooling.html

Mattias Axner



We don't need no stinking badgers



How hot does a badger actually run? Can badgers run? If so why do they keep getting caught by baiters?

I have seen many a badger on tv, and have never once seen the slightest hint of a heat haze coming off the little blighters...

Maybe you meant "as hot as a badger on the 74th floor of the world trade center"? You commented in "Man Burns Penis with Laptop" that it was "proof that some laptops run hotter than a badger".

Mandrillboy

Mandrillboy, this is a joke that possibly you would not have made this time last year.

Ever since I first saw the heinous "Badger Blowjob" scene in Stanley Kubrick's, "The Shining", I've always suspected that you Brits had a fetish for badgers, or at least other men dressed up in badger suits. Guess now I know.

Paul Fabris

PS: I know Kubrick was born a Yank, but he blew all 40 of his final years on your side of the pond, so this peccadillo's clearly yours.

Never saw The Shining, Paul. And could find no mention of the alleged heinous Badger Blowjob scene in this otherwise exhaustive synopsis of the film. So we're kinda lost here.

But yes badgers are indeed popular with people in Britain, except dairy farmers, who gas them or hire terrier men to dig them out of their setts for the purpose of watching their dogs rip the beasts to shreds. But few people are overtly hostile to badgers in this country, unlike the US.

Cheech and Chong are said by some to have coined the phrase: "We don't need no stinking badgers". However the first sighting cited by Stinking Badges, the primary Internet resource for any and all references to the aforementioned quote, is for Trinidad Silva, an American character actor, in the film U.H.F.

Here is what it sounds like from his lips (not a direct link -scroll down a bit). The file lives on thedaily.wav. ®

Top 5 reasons to deploy VMware with Tegile

More from The Register

next story
Swiss wildlife park serves up furry residents to visitors
'It's ecological' says spokesman, now how would you like your Bambi done?
Win a year’s supply of chocolate (no tech knowledge required)
Over £200 worth of the good stuff up for grabs
Facebook's Zuckerberg in EBOLA VIRUS FIGHT: Billionaire battles bug
US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention contacted as site supremo coughs up
Internet finally ready to replace answering machine cassette tape
It's a simple message and I'm leaving out the whistles and bells
ePassport to Transnistria: NEXTIFYING the Nation State with BONG
Hey the Man, you can't geoblock distributed democracy
Red Bull does NOT give you wings, $13.5m lawsuit says so
Website letting consumers claim $10 cash back crashes after stampede
Down-under record: Australian gets $140k for pussy
'Tiffany' closes deal - 'it's more common to offer your wife', says agent
Trolls have DARK TETRAD of personality defects, say trickcyclists
Think psychopathy and BDSM dungeons, not desktops
The iPAD launch BEFORE it happened: SPECULATIVE GUFF ahead of actual event
Nerve-shattering run-up to the pre-planned known event
prev story

Whitepapers

Forging a new future with identity relationship management
Learn about ForgeRock's next generation IRM platform and how it is designed to empower CEOS's and enterprises to engage with consumers.
Win a year’s supply of chocolate
There is no techie angle to this competition so we're not going to pretend there is, but everyone loves chocolate so who cares.
Why cloud backup?
Combining the latest advancements in disk-based backup with secure, integrated, cloud technologies offer organizations fast and assured recovery of their critical enterprise data.
High Performance for All
While HPC is not new, it has traditionally been seen as a specialist area – is it now geared up to meet more mainstream requirements?
Saudi Petroleum chooses Tegile storage solution
A storage solution that addresses company growth and performance for business-critical applications of caseware archive and search along with other key operational systems.