Don Capellas leaves HP
In a story created, but rejected by our automatic news generator for being too absurd, Mike 'Don' Capellas is to leave Hewlett Packard and join WorldCom, the Wall Street Journal reports. HP today confirmed the Don's departure, although the President can still be see in a spooky lit-from-below horror snap here.
The outgoing CEO of the disgraced random-billing specialist, which misstated earnings by $9 billion, has tipped Capellas as his successor, and WSJ sources say the Don's name is already felt-tipped on the Chief Executive's door (economy measures, you see).
At Compaq, the Don paved the way for the merger with Hewlett Packard by sending the world's fastest microprocessor to a watery grave.
"We can't make a better microprocessor than Intel," Capellas told financial analysts in a vision statement earlier this year, forgetting that he already had.
With WorldCom's business ebbing away, and the company staffed only by desperately anxious people, fearful for their jobs, and with a rats' nest of incompatible computer systems, Capellas should feel right at home. We recommend he read 'You have no idea the evil we do' - MCI insiders break their silence to get up to speed.
The Don's departure leaves our favorite HP executive, the magnificent Shane Robison within a cutlass' swing of Carly's nape. Behind you, Carly. ®