Feeds

Man auctions advertising space on penis

Brand extension = hard sell

  • alert
  • submit to reddit

Internet Security Threat Report 2014

Any company with a bit of spare cash and looking to raise its corporate profile with a bit of thrusting and explosive marketing may care to check out this advertising opportunity on eBay.

For a modest sum, you can have your logo tattooed onto a man's penis, or his buttock, or indeed both buttocks. We can only assume that this particular eBay seller is currently a bit hard-up, as it were. Having said that, the idea is not without artistic merit - hard-drinking thespo Oliver Reed sported a fetching eagle's talon on his own virile member and he was quite a hit with the ladies.

Interestingly, the eBay entry is written by the man's wife, who seems to be handling this particular penis:

OK, this auction is on behalf of my husband who is auctioning tattoo space on his penis, the winning bidder gets their design / message / logo tattooed on his penis, with the following provisos.
  1. If it is a copyright or trademark the winning bidder must be the undisputed registered copyright / trademark holder.
  2. The winning bidder does not have any automatic right to photograph the finished article or use said photograph, and any such promotional usage to be negotiated by separate agreement. Failing mutual agreement no photographs shall be taken.

  3. He reserves the right to choose the tattooist (for reasons of health / safety) and the right to refuse certain inks / colours on the grounds of health / safety

  4. He reserves the right to refuse designs that he considers offensive, immoral, or objectionable.

  5. In addition to the bid fee, the auction winner pays all his expenses including any incurred by any of the above clauses.

  6. No tattooing will commence until he has been paid in full and monies are cleared in his bank.

  7. No refunds will be given under any circumstances with the sole exception of his refusing to have the tattoo applied.

  8. He reserves the right to have the tattoo removed at his own expense, if he so chooses, after a period of not less than 24 months, medical reasons notwithstanding.

  9. The tattoo will be confined to the exterior skin only, not the glans.

  10. The auction winner may at their option use one buttock instead of his penis, both buttocks = 50% surcharge.

  11. make him a REALLY good offer, and if he likes the product / design, you can use his entire body except hands / feet / face.

  12. buyer pays all ebay fees and commissions.

This isn't a wind up. If you have any questions please ask, all questions will be answered by my husband and not me 'cos it is his penis after all :-)

Sadly, it doesn't state the maximum print size available on the penis. Here's hoping he doesn't lose potential bidders if he fails to measure up to corporate expectations. ®

Cock and Bull stories

PenisResource.com
Penis humor archives

Choosing a cloud hosting partner with confidence

More from The Register

next story
Facebook's Zuckerberg in EBOLA VIRUS FIGHT: Billionaire battles bug
US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention contacted as site supremo coughs up
Space exploration is just so lame. NEW APPS are mankind's future
We feel obliged to point out the headline statement is total, utter cobblers
Down-under record: Australian gets $140k for pussy
'Tiffany' closes deal - 'it's more common to offer your wife', says agent
Internet finally ready to replace answering machine cassette tape
It's a simple message and I'm leaving out the whistles and bells
FedEx helps deliver THOUSANDS of spam messages DIRECT to its Blighty customers
Don't worry Wilson, I'll do all the paddling. You just hang on
The iPAD launch BEFORE it happened: SPECULATIVE GUFF ahead of actual event
Nerve-shattering run-up to the pre-planned known event
Win a year’s supply of chocolate (no tech knowledge required)
Over £200 worth of the good stuff up for grabs
STONER SHEEP get the MUNCHIES after feasting on £4k worth of cannabis plants
Baaaaaa! Fanny's Farm's woolly flock is high, maaaaaan
Swiss wildlife park serves up furry residents to visitors
'It's ecological' says spokesman, now how would you like your Bambi done?
Red Bull does NOT give you wings, $13.5m lawsuit says so
Website letting consumers claim $10 cash back crashes after stampede
prev story

Whitepapers

Forging a new future with identity relationship management
Learn about ForgeRock's next generation IRM platform and how it is designed to empower CEOS's and enterprises to engage with consumers.
Why and how to choose the right cloud vendor
The benefits of cloud-based storage in your processes. Eliminate onsite, disk-based backup and archiving in favor of cloud-based data protection.
Three 1TB solid state scorchers up for grabs
Big SSDs can be expensive but think big and think free because you could be the lucky winner of one of three 1TB Samsung SSD 840 EVO drives that we’re giving away worth over £300 apiece.
Reg Reader Research: SaaS based Email and Office Productivity Tools
Read this Reg reader report which provides advice and guidance for SMBs towards the use of SaaS based email and Office productivity tools.
Security for virtualized datacentres
Legacy security solutions are inefficient due to the architectural differences between physical and virtual environments.