Feeds

How green and putrefying is your computer?

Reader input required for OpenCruft™ standard

  • alert
  • submit to reddit

Secure remote control for conventional and virtual desktops

Mysterious English lass Verity Stob - author of 8086 and all that, the funniest history of computing ever-written - has spoken to The Register about her new and highly acclaimed cruftiness metric published at Doctor Dobbs- and her hopes of it becoming official recognized as an IETF RFC.

The metric guages of the cruftiness of your computer, on a sliding scale beginning with Cruft Force 0 ("New"), via Cruft Force 4 ("Lived In") to Cruft Force 10 ("Expiry"), and the good folks at Slashdot gave it coverage on Monday.

It's extremely well-observed, and so close the to the authentic Windows User Experience that Apple should license it to replace the much-parodied "Twitchers" campaign.

For example, Cruft Force 9 ("Putrefaction") can be discerned thus:- "Starting Control Panel shows rolling torch animation. The applet icons never appear."

Ms. Stob points out that this first version is specifically geared to Windows PCs, but we'd like to make the Cruftiness Metric an open standard: and solicit your input on Cruft Factors for other operating systems.

Via email, a breathless Verity told us, of her excitement that the VSCM (Verity Stobbs Cruft Metric) be formally recognized one day:-

"We are indeed *very* excited here at Laboratoires Stob," she told us.

"Cruftitude has long been the Cinderella of Computer Science - even missing out on a Millennium Lottery Grant. It's good to see that the movers and thinkers of the world are finally taking us seriously, and it is in a very real sense a tribute to our founder, Sir Roderick Cruft (1922 - 1998), whose brilliant observation that computers tend to fill up with useless fragments of long-deleted Visual Basic programs inspires us to this day," she added.

However we would like your input. A community effort is required to produce MacOS, POSIX-compliant versions, and touch wood, versions for PalmOS, phones and even VAXes too.

Please send your ported VSCM submissions, remembering to include entries for all gradients of Cruftiness on the platform of your choice, and a thank-you to DDJ (which owns the rights) to me at the address above. With the help of the community, the VSCM should become an RFC. ®

Related Link

Stob Cruftiness Metric

Related Stories

Rare unpublished Stob! - Borland's Dead C Scrolls

Remote control for virtualized desktops

More from The Register

next story
MEN: For pity's sake SLEEP with LOTS of WOMEN - and avoid Prostate Cancer
And, um, don't sleep with other men. If that's what worries you
Jim Beam me up, Scotty! WHISKY from SPAAACE returns to Earth
They're insured for $1m, before you thirsty folks make plans
Now: The REAL APPLE NEWS you need to know
OMG! Gravity's totes amazeballs. Calm down, George Clooney, not your film
Not a loyal follower of @BritishMonarchy? You missed The QUEEN*'s first Tweet
Her Maj opens 'Information Age' at the Science Museum
Boffins who stare at goats: I do believe they’re SHRINKING
Alpine chamois being squashed by global warming
Let's make an app that POSTS your POO to APPLE HQ
Plus: It's OPEN WARFARE in the Linux greybeard world
FedEx helps deliver THOUSANDS of spam messages DIRECT to its Blighty customers
Don't worry Wilson, I'll do all the paddling. You just hang on
Adorkable overshare of words like photobomb in this year's dictionaries
And hipsters are finally defined as self-loathing. Sort of
prev story

Whitepapers

Why and how to choose the right cloud vendor
The benefits of cloud-based storage in your processes. Eliminate onsite, disk-based backup and archiving in favor of cloud-based data protection.
Forging a new future with identity relationship management
Learn about ForgeRock's next generation IRM platform and how it is designed to empower CEOS's and enterprises to engage with consumers.
Reg Reader Research: SaaS based Email and Office Productivity Tools
Read this Reg reader report which provides advice and guidance for SMBs towards the use of SaaS based email and Office productivity tools.
Saudi Petroleum chooses Tegile storage solution
A storage solution that addresses company growth and performance for business-critical applications of caseware archive and search along with other key operational systems.
Getting ahead of the compliance curve
Learn about new services that make it easy to discover and manage certificates across the enterprise and how to get ahead of the compliance curve.