Feeds

Riversoft unleashes mother of all disclaimers

Warning: Reading this headline may damage your liberty

  • alert
  • submit to reddit

The Power of One Brief: Top reasons to choose HP BladeSystem

We know how much Reg readers enjoy a good disclaimer, so it is with great pleasure that we bring you this classic pertaining to Micromuse's buyout of Riversoft, announced today. It's a blockbuster of turgid legalese, to be sure, although inexplicably pleasing in its madness.

We should, however, warn readers in Australia, Canada and Japan that they may have already broken several legal statutes simply by reading this far. Indeed, anyone from those countries is advised to immediately shut down their computer, lock themselves in the toilet and await the arrival of the relevant authorities. Here's why:

Unless otherwise determined by Micromuse and permitted by applicable law and regulation, the offer for RiverSoft will not be made, directly or indirectly, in or into, or by use of the mails of, or by any other means or instrumentality (including, without limitation, telephonically or electronically) of interstate or foreign commerce of, or of any facility of a national securities exchange of Canada, nor will it be made in or into Australia or Japan and the offer will not be capable of acceptance by any such use, means, instrumentality or facilities or from within Australia, Canada or Japan. Accordingly, unless otherwise determined by Micromuse and permitted by applicable law and regulation, neither copies of this announcement nor any other documents relating to the offer are being, or may be, mailed or otherwise forwarded, distributed or sent in or into Australia, Canada or Japan and persons receiving such documents (including custodians, nominees and trustees) must not distribute or send them in, into or from such jurisdictions. If you are an Australian, Japanese or Canadian person or are viewing this page from Australia, Canada or Japan you must exit the site by clicking on the "I disagree" button below.

Anyone from Sydney, Tokyo or Montreal still here? Consider yourselves busted. The summons is in the post. ®

The smart choice: opportunity from uncertainty

More from The Register

next story
NSA man: 'Tell me about your Turkish connections'
Spooks ask Dabbsy to suggest a nice hotel with pool
Russia sends SEX-CRAZED GECKOS to SPAAAAACE!
In space... no one can hear you're green...
Carlos: Slim your working week to just three days of toil
'Midas World' vision suggests you retire later, watch more tellie and buy more stuff
Yahoo! Japan! launches! service! for! the! dead!
If you're reading this email, I am no longer alive
Plucky Rockall podule man back on (proper) dry land
Bold, barmy Brit adventurer Nick Hancock escapes North Atlantic islet
Motorist 'thought car had caught fire' as Adele track came on stereo
'FIRE' caption on dashboard prompts dunderheaded hard shoulder halt
prev story

Whitepapers

Implementing global e-invoicing with guaranteed legal certainty
Explaining the role local tax compliance plays in successful supply chain management and e-business and how leading global brands are addressing this.
Consolidation: The Foundation for IT Business Transformation
In this whitepaper learn how effective consolidation of IT and business resources can enable multiple, meaningful business benefits.
Application security programs and practises
Follow a few strategies and your organization can gain the full benefits of open source and the cloud without compromising the security of your applications.
How modern custom applications can spur business growth
Learn how to create, deploy and manage custom applications without consuming or expanding the need for scarce, expensive IT resources.
Securing Web Applications Made Simple and Scalable
Learn how automated security testing can provide a simple and scalable way to protect your web applications.