If you've ever wondered how to tell whether or not you're a pikey (gypsy), look no further than this illuminating guide to another weed-tangled acre of the Garden of England.

Yes, it appears that hot on the heels of www.sheppeyscum.com and the dear-departed and much-lamented Chatham Girls, an equally unloved corner of Kent has decided to broadcast its wonders to a disbelieving world.

It's not for the faint-hearted, to be sure - an eclectic mix of street talk, skate-boarding links and essential linguistic guides. So, if you've ever wanted to talk proper Kent pikey talk, why not click here, me lucky chicken's toenail...

Or - and this may be of interest to those readers still planning a trip to Chatham - why not customise those wheels in a Friday night Dartford burn-up stylee? Guaranteed to impress the ladies.

All good stuff, but we find it hard to believe that it is only in Kent that disgruntled and unemployed youths find the time to ridicule and lambast their own 'hoods. We invite all of the UK's derelict outside toilets to submit their sites for our forthcoming "Diss me Town" interactive UK guide. Put yourselves on the map. After all, why should you suffer in silence?

Oh, and how do you tell whether or not you're a pikey? Well, it's when you let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids. Absolutely. ®