Feeds

RU lonesum tonite?

The joy of text

  • alert
  • submit to reddit

SANS - Survey on application security programs

The other night I decided to set out in search of wild text love. Would the boys be able to handle it? SexKitten, 32, a bit tattered round the ears, was ready for action. Or at least, a chat about gardening and a nice cup of tea.

One of the first people I met on my travels was 'Lara', a game girl. According to the Natachata website, www.natachata.com, 'Leggy Lara tops up her student grant by text-chatting. Lara can be very rude!'

I had a chat with her and I reckon she's really a bunch of blokes with beards. Anyway, she's a guy thing, so I tried WasNiceKnowingYou.com, a dating and dumping web site. You read people's entries and then text them via the site.

I considered DisqueBleu, 36, from London, whose entry on the web site WasNiceKnowingYou.com reads: 'YOU big tits, slinky hips ME DESPERATELY looking for these in a rich heiress whose father is terminally ill... if this is you, then you know what to do after the beep so DO IT!'

That's the kind of offer a girl can't refuse. Then there's Imp, 30, from London, whose description of himself reads: 'Tall, dark hair, charming, handsome and f**ks like a tiger'.

But I think I'd choose the quiet type: George, 32, sticks pretty much to the point: 'Live/work in Reading'. That seems to be it for George. I suppose it says a lot about Reading really.

Planning to contact George later, I tried texting Genie Flirt by sending Flirt to 8998. In short order I got a message back asking for my age and sex, so I sent back Girl 19 (who's counting). Genie told me in reply: 'Boy 20 is flirting with you! On your first date, how should he/she be? A) Talkative B) Listening C) Funny. Send A, B or C within 2 mins!'

Mad about Boy 20
Flattered by Boy 20's interest, I tried to message back within the time spent, but missed the deadline. 'Genie told me: 'You failed to reply to the question from Boy 20 within two minutes. Send Flirt for another flirt, or wait for a flirt.'

I sent Flirt, only to receive the reply:
'Sorry, all the other flirters are busy in other flirts right now. Wait for someone to flirt with you or send Flirt again a bit later.'

All this flirting was starting to make me feel a little dizzy. And when love lets you down, it's your friends you turn to. So I trotted along to Rabbit-On.com, a web site providing Light Relief For Ladies. The best service on the site is Freak Out A Friend: 'Why not freak out a friend by hiring one of our delightful virtual pals who will astonish them with saucy anonymous text messages over the next few days?'

Hire a bunny boiler
For the fellas, you can hire a Boss Lady, Bunny Boiler, Fat Slag or Dominatrix.

For a laydee, you've got Office Pest, Mr Perfect, Sex Pest and Typical Bloke.

I chose Mr Perfect and my female office pal was bemused to receive the first of several mystery messages, this one reading 'The flowers were from me darling. I'll be home soon xxx'.

I was ready for the fray again. Off to Itextu.com, where I quickly got back a message saying 'Hard-On wants to flirt with you'. Cripes. Bravely I texted back: 'Hard-On you want sweet lovin no strings?' but apparently he didn't as he made no reply. What more can a girl offer, I wondered.

Meanwhile, Boy 20 hadn't texted me, my pal Helen wasn't talking to me any more after finding out that Mr Perfect didn't exist, and I still hadn't figured out a good way to get in touch with gorgeous George of Reading. Fortunately, at this point the kettle boiled. And when love lets you down and you've got no friends any more, there's always a spot of gardening and a cup of tea.

Perdita Patterson is the editor of What Mobile

© What Mobile All rights reserved.

3 Big data security analytics techniques

More from The Register

next story
A black box for your SUITCASE: Now your lost luggage can phone home – quite literally
Breakfast in London, lunch in NYC, and your clothes in Peru
Broadband Secretary of SHEEP sensationally quits Cabinet
Maria Miller finally resigns over expenses row
AT&T threatens to pull out of FCC wireless auctions over purchase limits
Company wants ability to buy more spectrum space in auction
EE dismisses DATA-BURNING glitch with Orange Mail app
Bug quietly slurps PAYG credit - yet EE denies it exists
Like Google, Comcast might roll its own mobile voice network
Says anything's possible if regulators approve merger with Time Warner
Turnbull leaves Australia's broadband blackspots in the dark
New Statement of Expectations to NBN Co offers get-out clauses for blackspot builds
Facebook claims 100 MEEELLION active users in India
Who needs China when you've got the next billion in your sights?
Facebook splats in-app chat, whacks brats into crack yakety-yak app
Jibber-jabbering addicts turfed out just as Zuck warned
prev story

Whitepapers

Top three mobile application threats
Learn about three of the top mobile application security threats facing businesses today and recommendations on how to mitigate the risk.
Combat fraud and increase customer satisfaction
Based on their experience using HP ArcSight Enterprise Security Manager for IT security operations, Finansbank moved to HP ArcSight ESM for fraud management.
The benefits of software based PBX
Why you should break free from your proprietary PBX and how to leverage your existing server hardware.
Five 3D headsets to be won!
We were so impressed by the Durovis Dive headset we’ve asked the company to give some away to Reg readers.
SANS - Survey on application security programs
In this whitepaper learn about the state of application security programs and practices of 488 surveyed respondents, and discover how mature and effective these programs are.