Feeds

Welcome to Sheppey – the UK's fight capital

Website extols virtues of neglected earthly paradise

  • alert
  • submit to reddit

Next gen security for virtualised datacentres

Every country's got one - a dark corner so fearful that its name is uttered in hushed tones; a place where the sound of duelling banjos is punctuated only by the sound of breaking beer glasses and screaming women.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the UK's Isle of Sheppey, a a beautiful little island situated just off the North Kent coast, approximately 250 miles south-east of the lake district.

That, at least, is how it is described by www.sheppeyscum.com, an informative website which is as positive an advertisement for this neglected corner of the UK as Chernobyl was for the nuclear power industry.

Sheppey: Abandon hope all ye who enter here

Want to know more? Well, there's an island in the Indian Ocean that the indigenous population say is shaped like a young maiden carrying flowers back from the market on a summer morning. As the above picture clearly shows, Sheppey is shaped like 37,000 useless pieces of shit floating in a swamp.

And what of the locals? Be warned: Although the official language on Sheppey is English, very few natives can speak it fluently. Tell me more. Culture? No. Jobs? There aren't any.

Ok, I'm convinced. Book me in for a long weekend break. Now, what the nightlife? According to sheppeyscum's definitive pub listing, look no further than The Fiddler's Cat - It's the worst pub by far, with plenty of drugs, fights, stabbings and murders. Fight Rating 12.

And that's out of ten. Nasty. Naturally, the proprieters of The Fiddler's Cat have not taken kindly to topping the sheppeyscum pub league of shame. It's fair to say that the good burghers of Sheppey have not taken kindly to the site at all.

The authors of this outrage profess to be ex-Sheppeyites, now resident in North London. They prefer to keep a low profile - wisely, we reckon, since if the locals ever catch up with them, they'll be dangling from a lamp-post on Sheerness seafront.

Finally, and in the interests of balanced journalism, I feel obliged to offer something in Sheppey's favour. Er, can you just bear with me for a minute... ®

The essential guide to IT transformation

More from The Register

next story
MEN WANTED to satisfy town full of yearning BRAZILIAN HOTNESS
'Prettier, better organised, more harmonious than if men were in charge'
Cops baffled by riddle of CHICKEN who crossed ROAD
'Officers were unable to determine Chicken's intent'
Yes, but what are your plans if a DRAGON attacks?
Local UK gov outs most ridiculous FoI requests...
Drunkards warned: If you can't walk in a straight line, don't shop online, you fool!
Put it away boys. Cover them up ladies. Your credit cards, we mean
Why your mum was WRONG about whiffy tattooed people
They're a future source of RENEWABLE ENERGY
Murder accused DIDN'T ask Siri 'how to hide my roommate'
US court hears of cached browser image - not actual request
Chomp that sausage: Brits just LOVE scoffing a Full Monty
Sales of traditional brekkie foods soar as hungry folk get their mitts greasy
prev story

Whitepapers

5 things you didn’t know about cloud backup
IT departments are embracing cloud backup, but there’s a lot you need to know before choosing a service provider. Learn all the critical things you need to know.
Implementing global e-invoicing with guaranteed legal certainty
Explaining the role local tax compliance plays in successful supply chain management and e-business and how leading global brands are addressing this.
Backing up Big Data
Solving backup challenges and “protect everything from everywhere,” as we move into the era of big data management and the adoption of BYOD.
Consolidation: The Foundation for IT Business Transformation
In this whitepaper learn how effective consolidation of IT and business resources can enable multiple, meaningful business benefits.
High Performance for All
While HPC is not new, it has traditionally been seen as a specialist area – is it now geared up to meet more mainstream requirements?