Feeds

Welcome to Sheppey – the UK's fight capital

Website extols virtues of neglected earthly paradise

  • alert
  • submit to reddit

Choosing a cloud hosting partner with confidence

Every country's got one - a dark corner so fearful that its name is uttered in hushed tones; a place where the sound of duelling banjos is punctuated only by the sound of breaking beer glasses and screaming women.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the UK's Isle of Sheppey, a a beautiful little island situated just off the North Kent coast, approximately 250 miles south-east of the lake district.

That, at least, is how it is described by www.sheppeyscum.com, an informative website which is as positive an advertisement for this neglected corner of the UK as Chernobyl was for the nuclear power industry.

Sheppey: Abandon hope all ye who enter here

Want to know more? Well, there's an island in the Indian Ocean that the indigenous population say is shaped like a young maiden carrying flowers back from the market on a summer morning. As the above picture clearly shows, Sheppey is shaped like 37,000 useless pieces of shit floating in a swamp.

And what of the locals? Be warned: Although the official language on Sheppey is English, very few natives can speak it fluently. Tell me more. Culture? No. Jobs? There aren't any.

Ok, I'm convinced. Book me in for a long weekend break. Now, what the nightlife? According to sheppeyscum's definitive pub listing, look no further than The Fiddler's Cat - It's the worst pub by far, with plenty of drugs, fights, stabbings and murders. Fight Rating 12.

And that's out of ten. Nasty. Naturally, the proprieters of The Fiddler's Cat have not taken kindly to topping the sheppeyscum pub league of shame. It's fair to say that the good burghers of Sheppey have not taken kindly to the site at all.

The authors of this outrage profess to be ex-Sheppeyites, now resident in North London. They prefer to keep a low profile - wisely, we reckon, since if the locals ever catch up with them, they'll be dangling from a lamp-post on Sheerness seafront.

Finally, and in the interests of balanced journalism, I feel obliged to offer something in Sheppey's favour. Er, can you just bear with me for a minute... ®

Internet Security Threat Report 2014

More from The Register

next story
Criticism of Uber's journo-Data Analytics plan is an Attack on DIGITAL FREEDOM
First they came for Emil – and I'm damn well SPEAKING OUT
'It is comforting to know where your data centres are.' UK.GOV does NOT
Plus: Anons are 'wannabes', KKK says, before being pwned
Google's whois results say it's a lousy smut searcher
Run whois google.com or whois microsoft.com. We dare you, you PIG◙◙◙◙ER
Holy vintage vehicles! Earliest known official Batmobile goes on sale
Riddle me this: are you prepared to pay US$180k?
'Open source just means big companies can steal your code.' O RLY?
Plus: Flame of the Week returns, for one night only!
NEWSFLASH: It's time to ditch dullard Facebook chums
Everything hot in tech, courtesy of avian anchor Regina Eggbert
Hey, you, PHONE-FACE! Kickstarter in-car mobe mount will EMBED your phone into your MUG
Stick it on the steering wheel and wait for the airbag to fire
prev story

Whitepapers

Designing and building an open ITOA architecture
Learn about a new IT data taxonomy defined by the four data sources of IT visibility: wire, machine, agent, and synthetic data sets.
Getting started with customer-focused identity management
Learn why identity is a fundamental requirement to digital growth, and how without it there is no way to identify and engage customers in a meaningful way.
5 critical considerations for enterprise cloud backup
Key considerations when evaluating cloud backup solutions to ensure adequate protection security and availability of enterprise data.
High Performance for All
While HPC is not new, it has traditionally been seen as a specialist area – is it now geared up to meet more mainstream requirements?
Driving business with continuous operational intelligence
Introducing an innovative approach offered by ExtraHop for producing continuous operational intelligence.