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Reg hack ‘helps’ CNN with bare knuckle boxing probe

Comedy moonlighting shocker

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Internet Security Threat Report 2014

Ok, the game's up - I've been rumbled. For the last five months the staff at Vulture Central have been wondering why on earth a man whose duties consist almost entirely of supervising Indonesian children at the Cash'n'Carrion Reg merchandising warehouse would occasionally lapse into a fit of uncontrollable chuckling.

Now I must come clean. Last November, myself and former Reg hack Kieren McCarthy launched The Rockall Times - a weekly satirical spin on the world's news based entirely on Rockall, the world's liveliest volcanic outcrop.

Of course, I was foolish to believe that this extra-mural activity would go unnoticed. But perhaps if I hadn't forwarded an email we received from someone at turner.com, owners of CNN, to Reg editor Drew Cullen, I might have got away with it.

Sadly not. I have, however, escaped disciplinary action and have further been instructed to share this particularly entertaining correspondence with Reg readers.

The background is this: We recently ran a piece entitled Doc KO's women's bare-knuckle challenge. Entertaining stuff, and all very tongue-in-cheek. Nobody, surely, could take take such errant nonsense seriously? Well, CNN could:

Hi there. I am a researcher on CNN's current affairs programme 'Inside Europe'. We are currently putting together a piece on bare knuckle boxing and I was hoping you could give me some leads.

I read your article 'Doc KO's women's bare-knuckle challenge'

I was hoping that you would give me the telephone nos. of Sharon Pikey and Lisa Greyhound. Or maybe you could pass my number onto them and get them to contact me?

I was also wondering, do you know where and when bare-knuckle fights take place in Oxford? Someone told me that a Christian group organise such events, have you heard anything to that effect? Or can you get me in touch with people who would have such information?

I know it's asking a lot, but I would really appreciate your help on this!

I make no comment. Now, if you'll excuse me, I note that the seven-year-olds who sew the labels into the Reg polo shirts are talking among themselves again.... ®

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