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It's all duelling ukeleles and air guitars

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Competition We've decided to extend the deadline for our Register corporate anthem competition by one week.

This is your chance to win a cardboard cut-out Elvis and new Reg logo t-shirts, soon to be available on our e-commerce site:

Ooh er, cop a load of this missus....


What we're looking for is a rousing Register corporate anthem set to a well-known tune. Pretty simple, you'd think. However, despite the fact that the lyrics are supposed to be about the Reg, and despite warnings that rants against Microsoft would be immediately disqualified, we have received the following from Mike Smith:

To George Formby's The Window Cleaner:

Now I go running Windoze, to earn an honest bob
For a computer expert it's a frustrating job
Now it's a job that don't suit me
A Windoze user you wouldn't be
If you could see what I can see
When I'm running Windoze

Bill Gates' new technology, can't find files on drive A: or B:
Turns Pentium into XT
When I'm running Windoze

Windoze is the leading-edge productive GUI tool
It just keeps on adding files until the hard disk's full

The support telephonist looks divine
The Unix user's doing fine
I'd rather have his job than mine
When I'm running Windoze

If I run something on drive F:
The whole damned network dies a death
And then I get a GPF
When I'm running Windoze

One chap I know still uses DOS
He gets an earful from the boss
But he just doesn't give a toss
'Cos he ain't running Windoze

Windoze is the leading-edge productive GUI tool
It just keeps on adding files until the hard disk's full

Got a new machine the other day
Installation disk had gone astray
So I can't change the damned display
Because I'm running Windoze

(Virtual ukelele solo)

I see a message on the screen
"You need 18 megs, now that I deem"
It's more like eighty than eighteen
When I'm running Windoze

The Mac had GUI ten years ago
And it doesn't run as half as slow
Or give you as much as the aggro
As the PC does with Windoze

Windoze is the leading-edge productive GUI tool
It just keeps on adding files until the hard disk's full

Windoze is just my pet hate
And so is William Henry Gates
Why is the PC in such a state
Where we must run Windoze

Where we must run Windoze

For the edification of our international readers, George Formby was a ukele-strumming cheeky chappie from up north, who specialised in amusing nudge-nudge, wink-wink innuendo at a time when the entire comic output of the British Empire revolved around one-liners such as "Winter draws on..." Enough said.

While Mike's effort is praisworthy, perhaps even laudable in its sentiments, there seems to be a distinct lack of Vulture central in the content. A good effort, but no cigar.

To reiterate, we're looking for the sort of corporate anthem which will provoke entire stadia of rock fans to raise their cigarette lighters in the air, or provoke even the most jaded sysadmins into a frenzy of air guitar. Ok - go to it.

Send your entries to us here. Mark the subject Anthem. Closing date is Friday 31st August at 5.00pm BST. Results will be announced the following week.

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