Keyboards spread disease

We never liked Internet caffs anyway

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This is a Register Health Warning: Computer keyboards spread disease. Or so an "alarming Health Zone" experiment conducted by The Mirror claims.

Under the headline Taking Your Life in Your Hands, the newspaper writes: "A touch of a computer keyboard or a £10 note brings us into contact with thousands of lethal bacteria."

In the alarming experiment, the Mirror stalked Betina Peterson, a 24-year-old personal assistant based in London. Betina went about her everyday business, conducting her everyday tasks. And after each task, she plunged her hands into a bowl of agar jelly. This jelly was then inspected for killer bugs - often spread by human shit - such as salmonella, listeria, camphylobacter and e.coli.

And what were the results of the Alarming Health Zone Betina Petersen Agar Jelly Keyboard Test? "Computers also proved a good surface for finding bacteria," the Mirror says, "producing medium amounts of general bugs." (So no faecal coliforms then?) "This is though to be because computers cause static electricity and attract dust and bacteria. Bacteria also love warmth."

That's it. No one, and I mean no-one, is touching my computer.

Who's at risk from the people who don't wash and dry their hands after they've been to the bog? Three types of people to avoid immediately spring to mind.

  • Fast Food Operatives - No we don't believe the McJob workers wash their hands either

  • Internet Cafe Users - Australian backpackers trying to download porn when the assistants are not looking. You do not know where these people have been.

  • Office Temps - are more vulnerable to catching bugs, but as they move around a lot, they are also the Typhoid Mary Keyboard Shit Kickers of the industry. Luckily, these people are expendable in most modern economies. Otherwise they'd have permanent, tenured jobs, right? So Sack The Temp. Now. It may save your life. ®
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