Feeds

All hail Halle Berry!

Readers praise the two sole highlights of 'Swordfish'

  • alert
  • submit to reddit

Top 5 reasons to deploy VMware with Tegile

Can you hack while getting a blow job?

There's nothing like a film review to kick off a bit of hot email action. Rob Blincoe's thrashing of Swordfish prompted Chris Jones to offer this analysis:

Personally I liked Swordfish, so I thought I'd list some points where I disagree with your review.

- I want to see Halle Berry flashing her tits, I'd probably watch paint dry if it had her tits ;)
- Hacking films are not generally crap (have you not seen 'Sneakers' or 'WarGames'? Granted 'Hackers' was over the top and the genre has sometimes been handled poorly, but this is true of action, comedy, romance, you name it). Did you see AntiTrust? I suppose you hated that too?
- I don't understand why you have issues with the typing bits and the jargon bits. Any film that involves anything even remotely technical is going to have to gloss over some details, I think Swordfish did this well, even the major hack scene was dealt with quickly and with some movement - far more interesting than watching a real cracker at work.
- If you think the action sequences are boring and pointless you were clearly asleep for the 'bullet-time' explosion sequence (the best use of that particular camera trick I've seen thus far) and the TVR Tuscan car chase.

All in all I therefore only disagree with, well, all of your review ;)

Fair enough. 'Bc' decided to take Rob to task, even though actually agreeing with his overall sentiment:

BOB, are you a doof? whwy did you try your luck at reviewing films? you were wrong to say travolta was pretty good. No he was not pretty good, he was NO good. This movie made me want to call everybody else in the audience 'dumbos' and 'retards', and i was erally thinkin about setting the movie theater on fire and throwing chairs through the windows in the front.
JOEL SILVER CAN GOTO HELL!

Jonathan R.T. Sugai also disliked the film, but had a few observations to add:

You mentioned the use of Torvalds' for a character in Swordfish. Although the movie has Dell hardware all over it, the "hero" is somewhat named after Mikey Dell's favorite rival, Steve Jobs. Notice that Hugh Jackman's character is named "Stanley Jobson?"

And yes, the movie was shit in motion. The only payoff albeit a small one was Halle Berry's breasts... Pity I had to pay $4.50 for that =(. Should have just stayed home and found someone's vidcap of it ^_^.

And finally, we have David Anthony, who is a bit confused:

While entirely agreeing with your review of Swordfish, I still have one unanswered question....

Why are Axel Torvalds and his Lawyer speaking in German? AFAIK, the language of Finland is - well - Finnish isn't it?

Hoping you can clear this mystery up

So, to summarise: The movie is crap. Travolta can't act. The screenwriter is unaware of the national language of Finland. Halle Berry has excellent chest bollocks. Reckon that covers it.

Secure remote control for conventional and virtual desktops

More from The Register

next story
Win a year’s supply of chocolate (no tech knowledge required)
Over £200 worth of the good stuff up for grabs
Facebook's Zuckerberg in EBOLA VIRUS FIGHT: Billionaire battles bug
US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention contacted as site supremo coughs up
Space exploration is just so lame. NEW APPS are mankind's future
We feel obliged to point out the headline statement is total, utter cobblers
Red Bull does NOT give you wings, $13.5m lawsuit says so
Website letting consumers claim $10 cash back crashes after stampede
Down-under record: Australian gets $140k for pussy
'Tiffany' closes deal - 'it's more common to offer your wife', says agent
Internet finally ready to replace answering machine cassette tape
It's a simple message and I'm leaving out the whistles and bells
Swiss wildlife park serves up furry residents to visitors
'It's ecological' says spokesman, now how would you like your Bambi done?
The iPAD launch BEFORE it happened: SPECULATIVE GUFF ahead of actual event
Nerve-shattering run-up to the pre-planned known event
STONER SHEEP get the MUNCHIES after feasting on £4k worth of cannabis plants
Baaaaaa! Fanny's Farm's woolly flock is high, maaaaaan
FedEx helps deliver THOUSANDS of spam messages DIRECT to its Blighty customers
Don't worry Wilson, I'll do all the paddling. You just hang on
prev story

Whitepapers

Forging a new future with identity relationship management
Learn about ForgeRock's next generation IRM platform and how it is designed to empower CEOS's and enterprises to engage with consumers.
Why cloud backup?
Combining the latest advancements in disk-based backup with secure, integrated, cloud technologies offer organizations fast and assured recovery of their critical enterprise data.
Win a year’s supply of chocolate
There is no techie angle to this competition so we're not going to pretend there is, but everyone loves chocolate so who cares.
High Performance for All
While HPC is not new, it has traditionally been seen as a specialist area – is it now geared up to meet more mainstream requirements?
Intelligent flash storage arrays
Tegile Intelligent Storage Arrays with IntelliFlash helps IT boost storage utilization and effciency while delivering unmatched storage savings and performance.