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Cybertrousers – the cracks are showing

Readers reject advanced pant design

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Internet Security Threat Report 2014

Revealed: What's in men's pants

If Linda Harrison is ever caught looking wistfully out of the Vulture Central windows, it's because she is pondering what it is exactly men have in their trousers.

Of course, it's a simple matter for women. Just get a bag and fill it to the brim with paraphernalia. But in this age of mobile phones and PDAs, it's no longer possible for men to slip the wallet in the pocket and away you go. No, what you need are cybertrousers, courtesy of Dockers.

Scott Seely reckons this is nothing new:

Odd story. Looks like a revisit of parachute pants (I first remember them from the mid-80s, but I know they recently made a comeback). Anyhow, as one who tried using all those pockets in my pants as a teen, I do have a question for further investigation: what type of support system are they proposing to hold those pants up? I used to carry my wallet, keys, a yo-yo, and a HP calculator in mine. All told, it probably weighs the same as the proposed setup from Levi's. My problem: if I walked too far (100 yards), the pants would start to fall off. Too much weight and even a belt didn't help much. Not only that, but the current setup looks like the men will be digging deep into their pants to recover their PDA. Is it an HR violation or productivity?

Spokey finds himself in complete agreement:

While your article raises a good point, I find that too many devices introusers leads to droopy drawers and an unwelcome "crack display". May I recommend the simple, old-fashioned hunting jacket instead? This is also better for headphone cords which do not have to reach as far, decreasing the likelihood of an unwelcome snag. Finally, it has the advantage of making you look like a psychopathic mass murderer as well, which ensures seats on public transport, etc. :-)

For the record, this 'crack display' is known around here as a 'Dagenham cleavage' - much beloved of hairy-arsed builders and JCB operators.

While we're on the subject of where to keep your bits and pieces, Linda's recent article Are you worried that your brain is frying? provoked this rather worrying missive from Doogie Brodie:

After reading the article about the AirCom technology, I had a laugh....... although it stops the radiation going to your head, you still need to have the phone somewhere!

I have an absolute nightmare with mobile phones - they give me bad headaches when used for more than a few seconds. I recently got a Motorola V series clamshell design, which has a very low SAR rating, and doesn't give me headaches (yet....!) however, if I use the supplied belt pouch, I get pains in my kidneys... I can literally pick up the phone from my desk, move it towards my kidneys, and when the ariel is almost touching, I can feel the radiation.......! I don't know if this is doing me any damage or not, I suspec that anything giving discomfort must be doing _SOME_ damage, and I really should give up using a mobile but I can't!

Anyways, I now keep the phone in the leg pocket of my combat trousers, which doesn't give any discomfort (unless the ariel hits me!) but I'm not particularly keen on Dockers Mobile Pants' idea that I should keep my phone suspiciously close to my manly bits - perhaps this is a secret conspiracy to stop geeks breeding..... ;->

Without wishing to appear obtuse, might we suggest that you really do need to give up your mobile phone. Good Lord - you'll end up with bits dropping off you like a leper.

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