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Captain Cyborg plans to build a better bionic nose

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Sci-fi fantasist Kevin Warwick, aka Captain Cyborg, now reckons that due to his unique grasp of cybernetics he can improve the efficiency of your nose.

The Prof made his latest lunatic claim on a recent sticky fingers tour of Ireland. A Reg reader heard him guffing on the radio programme Morning Ireland. Using pacemakers as the launch pad, he mentioned that one of his "groundbreaking" experiments in November will be to improve the human nose.

Of course, he failed to explain how he was actually going to pull this off [pull what off? Are you sure about this? - Ed]. Probably because he hasn't got a clue. Sounds good though.

And would you Adam and Eve it, the military are interested in Kev's research. No, really, they are - Kev said so. According to our reader, the presenter was giving the interview a heavy dose of irony but Kev - who almost believes himself these days - was blind to it.

Off he went on various other journeys into the bizarre and mad before ending with his swansong, the telepathy sex chip in him and his wife. But would you believe it? They ran out of time before Kev could explain how it was actually going to work.

Tch. Maybe next time, huh? ®

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