We really do love Doubleclick because…
Outpourings of affection win dartboards
But before we name our quartet of Eric Bristows, let's enjoy some of the other noteworthy entries. To recap, all you had to do was complete the following sentence in 20 words or less: 'I love Doubleclick because...' Pretty simple, eh? As we noted at the time, 'Keep 'em clean and make 'em funny.' The operative word being funny. So, Pat Silver will not stepping up to the oche:
Well, I'd love to oblige, but there is a slight problem; I don't love doubleclick. Ads I accept as necessary (although personally I'd like to string up any Webmaster who permits big pop-up ad boxes), cookies which track my activities and analyse the results I do not.
Deary, deary me. Jack Sinnott summed up this type of entry thus:
...they provide me, an American, with such prime opportunities to work myself into a complete pants-wetting lather over privacy issues.
And Graham Parks added his two bits' worth:
...reactionary dullards with nothing better to do who live their lives in fear of Relevant Advertising absolutely abhore them.
Thank you gentlemen. Now, on with the comedy. First up is the no-nonsense honesty approach favoured by Graeme Bell:
...I want a dartboard. Anyone who produces a different reason for loving doubleclick is probably lying.
Yes, yes. What about keeping it short like Daniel Fulton (the entry, obviously - we have no idea how tall Daniel is):
and Hans Olsson...
...I'm from Sweden.
and Eric Sullivan...
...one is never enough.
On the other hand, why not ramble on and get yourself disqualified. Like Neil R. Henry:
...of their singular ability to march forward with a certain blissful composure unmarred by: the heightened recognition of the intrusive nature of their targeting techniques, the dwindling value of their market capitalization or the absence of any semblance of a business model.
Hmmm. John Pilge and David Lloyd decided to attack the problem anagramatically:
...it is an anagram of "COLD BUCK LIE." Which is a truly fitting motto for Doubleclick if they ever need one.
...I am a dyslexic feminist and I think you are talking about 'club all dick'
Good effort. As ever, some of you were moved to poetry. Take it away Janette:
Everywhere on the net
It's a sure bet
doubleclick will be there
Like traffic wardens directing us wherever they care
Astounding. Ari Williams gets hip to the beat with:
For annoying popups,
And stuff that drives me mad,
Doubleclick takes 1st prize,
Coz the others aren't as bad!
Yep, I can almost hear that one to a hip-hop beat on the wheels of steel. Not. David Leach continues the theme:
They inspire me
To write beautiful haikus
For The Register.
Their mission is to
Enhance my browsing session.
Diet ads plague me.
I get paid today.
What shall I purchase online?
Dad gets cheap flowers.
Good call, but over your 20 words there David. Noah Brunn is our final Wordsworth:
"You want to go where people know,
People aren't all the same;
You want to go where everybody knows... your name."
Cheers, Noah. Surely, though, among all this madness, there must be a practical reason to give Doubleclick a big, sloppy kiss. Yes there is, according to Chris Lawrence:
...well, it worked for our parents.
Yes it did, Chris. Yes it did. And of course, Doubleclick is helping Doug pay them thar bills:
...it provides a very nice work environment for my wife, as well as that wonderful second paycheck.
Bless. The Head Lemur also has good reason to be grateful:
...it told my wife about maxies house of pain.
There you go - another satisfied customer. Right, now for some prizes. So high was the standard of entries that we have decided to award four exclusive Reg lapel pins to the following runners up:
...they don't charge for their cookies and the brownies do.
...if you cut them they will bleed. Almost like real people.
...I have no doubt that after I win this competition they'll immediately begin targeting me with ads for dart supplies.
Toby Butler also wins a pin, but if you think we're going to print that mate, you're off your rocker!
And the winners are:
...they gave me a great prize of a dartboard that I used as a prop in my amateur porn movie - read this story to get the joke.
...they send FREE COOKIES to STARVING CHILDREN in 3rd world INTERNET CAFES around the WORLD!
...well, they already know why!
Excellent work. ®
Sponsored: 2016 Cyberthreat defense report