Vulture terrorises UK

Nothing to do with us, honest

A rogue vulture has provoked fear and panic in a sleepy Norfolk village. The Ruppell's vulture descended yesterday without warning on idyllic Happisburgh, taking up residence on the church tower.

The fearsome beast - wingspan eight feet - had escaped from Banham zoo fifty miles away. Experts are now faced with the task of recapturing the monster. This may prove difficult.

The Ruppell's vulture is the world's highest-flying bird, and can soar to an impressive 37,000ft. Zoo workers hope to trap the avian tearaway by attracting it with fresh carrion. In the meantime, people have been warned not to approach or feed the vulture for fear of 'stressing it out'. Bless.

A Vulture Central internal investigation has confirmed that none of the Reg hacks was involved in the breakout. Nevertheless, there was general approval here this morning for the bird's bid for freedom. Cries of 'go on my son', and 'respect', were heard above the day-to-day banal chit-chat eminating from the Reg typing pool.

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