Feeds

This is how to pass-off a cancer-reducing mobile add-on

Readers contribute ideas

  • alert
  • submit to reddit

Choosing a cloud hosting partner with confidence

Nokia, Motorola and Ericsson have apparently been patenting "radiation-reducing devices" for their phones but swear this is nothing to do with the alleged link between mobiles and cancer.

No, after two days thought, they reckon the devices are to improve the phone's efficiency and so make batteries last longer. We thought this was a rubbish excuse and so we asked readers if they could come up with any better. These are just some of them (thanks to all those that contributed). ®


  • To reduce signal interference caused by solar flares
  • To prevent harmful interference with other devices in close proximity
  • The Microsoft way works well, usually. This was designed in anticipation of features we are currently developing.
  • Maybe it's to stop electrical activity in the brain from affecting the delicate circuitry of the mobile phone?
  • It is obvious that the "cancer" shields were actually invented to add weight to phones in order that they would be more effective when used as ballast in hot air balloons.
  • It reduces the annoying "clicking" interference on near by speakers?
  • They are to prevent people, on the other side of your head, snooping your mobile phone transmissions.
  • The shields being developed are not meant to protect the person holding the phone, because the radiation poses no threat to them. The risk is that the radiation might bounce off our brain and go right back into the phone. This could cause various dire situations, the most prominent of which is that the phone itself might get cancer, hampering reception quality.
  • Instead of putting up a million and one 3G towers at a cost that makes our national debt look insignificant, they get the handset manufacturers to work out a way to get the phones to pump out 6 times the normal power, but only into a narrow beam. That way they can get away with less towers, but still manage the coverage.
  • The patented shields protect the phones from harmful brain-wave radiation which can interfere with communication and may even cause long-term damage to the phone's delicate chips. So far studies are inconclusive, but who needs science to make a buck off a schmuck (or pound or whatever you people use)?
  • By reducing electromagnetic emissions from cellphones, any particular cellphone will not require as much signal strength in order to make a connection. For example, in order to maintain a conversation in a noisy room, you have to talk loud. In a quieter room, murmurs are all that's required.
  • They're security features. The emissions from phones fluctuate as you send and receive messages, and so snooping governments, industrial spies and others could pick up these waves to deduce what you are saying and hearing. If they're standing almost on top of you. Which they might be. It's a big risk, but we've got it covered.
  • They reduce the chance of alien abduction. Greys can home in on these emissions like a beacon, in order to abduct you. Just like they can't home in on the actual call signal - oh no, they certainly can't do that. For some reason.
  • It improves a phone's efficiency by keeping the user alive longer to actually use the phone...[Phones don't cause cancer, unprofitable WAP applications do.]


Related Story

Q: How do you pass off a cancer-reducing mobile add-on?

Beginner's guide to SSL certificates

More from The Register

next story
Criticism of Uber's journo-Data Analytics plan is an Attack on DIGITAL FREEDOM
First they came for Emil – and I'm damn well SPEAKING OUT
'It is comforting to know where your data centres are.' UK.GOV does NOT
Plus: Anons are 'wannabes', KKK says, before being pwned
Google's whois results say it's a lousy smut searcher
Run whois google.com or whois microsoft.com. We dare you, you PIG◙◙◙◙ER
Holy vintage vehicles! Earliest known official Batmobile goes on sale
Riddle me this: are you prepared to pay US$180k?
'Open source just means big companies can steal your code.' O RLY?
Plus: Flame of the Week returns, for one night only!
NEWSFLASH: It's time to ditch dullard Facebook chums
Everything hot in tech, courtesy of avian anchor Regina Eggbert
Hey, you, PHONE-FACE! Kickstarter in-car mobe mount will EMBED your phone into your MUG
Stick it on the steering wheel and wait for the airbag to fire
prev story

Whitepapers

Why cloud backup?
Combining the latest advancements in disk-based backup with secure, integrated, cloud technologies offer organizations fast and assured recovery of their critical enterprise data.
Getting started with customer-focused identity management
Learn why identity is a fundamental requirement to digital growth, and how without it there is no way to identify and engage customers in a meaningful way.
Go beyond APM with real-time IT operations analytics
How IT operations teams can harness the wealth of wire data already flowing through their environment for real-time operational intelligence.
Why CIOs should rethink endpoint data protection in the age of mobility
Assessing trends in data protection, specifically with respect to mobile devices, BYOD, and remote employees.
High Performance for All
While HPC is not new, it has traditionally been seen as a specialist area – is it now geared up to meet more mainstream requirements?