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FOTW Lester the Canadian Molester

He's going to be beaten with a seal pup

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Incredibly, some Canadians took offence at Lester's story on Tuesday Martians invade Canada.

It was something to do with the line "Scientists have chosen a location for the trials largely devoid of atmosphere or intelligent life - Canada."

Despite telling everyone about their sense of humour, some maple-leaf monkeys put down their clubs, left the coastline and fired off emails expressing their displeasure.

We've whittled down the invective to just four; hence we have the rare occasion of several flames of the week. The best we feel though was this one (concise, abusive, grammatically challenged, irrational - oh and we love the fact that Neil unnecessarily put his name at the end):

Is this what you call reporting? It's ignorant wanks like you that is what keeps web journalism behind print.

A pissed-off Canadian,
Neil

Next one: funny or disturbing?

Ah, lester the molester, be nice or I will beat you with a seal pup.

Randall

This one's a gem. Racist, abusive, from the East Coast Music Association.

Excuse me? No intelligent life in Canada? No atmosphere? Were you on drugs when you wrote that? Is that why I know of a half dozen ex-Brits who came to Canada for schooling and have been dodging immigration ever since? Either way, your ignorance is inexcusable and quite offensive. You might want to have yourself checked for Mad Cow... Your brain doesn't seem to be functioning properly.

East Coast Music Association

And finally, the kind of person that you always sit next to at dinner parties:

How Pulitzer-ish of you to cleverly add humour and mock to your article by putting a pun on your Commonwealth brethren. Lacking in atmosphere and intelligent life, chortle, chortle, Canada! You may as well add lacking in sense of humour so the literary awards people can accurately add accuracy to your award for; "Wry coverage of something that isn't supposed to be funny as told by someone who isn't funny".

Next time might I suggest your humour be directed to non-insulting a people and a place that many consider: a. home; b. a beautiful country; and c. full of intelligent life. I trust you don't get Diabetes in your old age, as insulin was probably developed by morons here...I'd call you on the telephone, but since that too was invented by a Canadian, I dare say it probably can't handle dialing someone with a different country code. What idiot invented that system? No wonder we built the CanadArm for your inspiring outer-space - no atmosphere, so we know what the arm should do! Someone call...never mind.

I'll make you a deal - I'll stop reading your writing if you stop insulting my home.

Yours,
Rob

Sadly, Rob walked right into it. The deal struck was that he would stop reading and Lester would continue insulting his home whenever the need struck him. After all, how would Rob know? ®

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