Feeds

FOTW Lester the Canadian Molester

He's going to be beaten with a seal pup

  • alert
  • submit to reddit

Combat fraud and increase customer satisfaction

Incredibly, some Canadians took offence at Lester's story on Tuesday Martians invade Canada.

It was something to do with the line "Scientists have chosen a location for the trials largely devoid of atmosphere or intelligent life - Canada."

Despite telling everyone about their sense of humour, some maple-leaf monkeys put down their clubs, left the coastline and fired off emails expressing their displeasure.

We've whittled down the invective to just four; hence we have the rare occasion of several flames of the week. The best we feel though was this one (concise, abusive, grammatically challenged, irrational - oh and we love the fact that Neil unnecessarily put his name at the end):

Is this what you call reporting? It's ignorant wanks like you that is what keeps web journalism behind print.

A pissed-off Canadian,
Neil

Next one: funny or disturbing?

Ah, lester the molester, be nice or I will beat you with a seal pup.

Randall

This one's a gem. Racist, abusive, from the East Coast Music Association.

Excuse me? No intelligent life in Canada? No atmosphere? Were you on drugs when you wrote that? Is that why I know of a half dozen ex-Brits who came to Canada for schooling and have been dodging immigration ever since? Either way, your ignorance is inexcusable and quite offensive. You might want to have yourself checked for Mad Cow... Your brain doesn't seem to be functioning properly.

East Coast Music Association

And finally, the kind of person that you always sit next to at dinner parties:

How Pulitzer-ish of you to cleverly add humour and mock to your article by putting a pun on your Commonwealth brethren. Lacking in atmosphere and intelligent life, chortle, chortle, Canada! You may as well add lacking in sense of humour so the literary awards people can accurately add accuracy to your award for; "Wry coverage of something that isn't supposed to be funny as told by someone who isn't funny".

Next time might I suggest your humour be directed to non-insulting a people and a place that many consider: a. home; b. a beautiful country; and c. full of intelligent life. I trust you don't get Diabetes in your old age, as insulin was probably developed by morons here...I'd call you on the telephone, but since that too was invented by a Canadian, I dare say it probably can't handle dialing someone with a different country code. What idiot invented that system? No wonder we built the CanadArm for your inspiring outer-space - no atmosphere, so we know what the arm should do! Someone call...never mind.

I'll make you a deal - I'll stop reading your writing if you stop insulting my home.

Yours,
Rob

Sadly, Rob walked right into it. The deal struck was that he would stop reading and Lester would continue insulting his home whenever the need struck him. After all, how would Rob know? ®

3 Big data security analytics techniques

More from The Register

next story
Forget the beach 'n' boardwalk, check out the Santa Cruz STEVE JOBS FOUNTAIN
Reg reader snaps shot of touching tribute to Apple icon
Oz bank in comedy Heartbleed blog FAIL
Bank: 'We are now safely patched.' Customers: 'You were using OpenSSL?'
Happy 40th Playmobil: Reg looks back at small, rude world of our favourite tiny toys
Little men straddle LOHAN, attend tiny G20 Summit... ah, sweet memories...
Spanish village called 'Kill the Jews' mulls rebranding exercise
Not exactly attractive to the Israeli tourist demographic
Lego is the TOOL OF SATAN, thunders Polish priest
New minifigs like Monster Fighters are turning kids to the dark side
Dark SITH LORD 'Darth Vader' joins battle to rule, er, Ukraine
Only I can 'make an empire out of a republic' intones presidential candidate
Chinese company counters pollution by importing fresh air
Citizens line up for bags of that sweet, sweet mountain air
Google asks April Fools: Want a job? Be our 'Pokemon Master'
Mountain View is prankin' like it's 1999...
prev story

Whitepapers

Designing a defence for mobile apps
In this whitepaper learn the various considerations for defending mobile applications; from the mobile application architecture itself to the myriad testing technologies needed to properly assess mobile applications risk.
3 Big data security analytics techniques
Applying these Big Data security analytics techniques can help you make your business safer by detecting attacks early, before significant damage is done.
Five 3D headsets to be won!
We were so impressed by the Durovis Dive headset we’ve asked the company to give some away to Reg readers.
The benefits of software based PBX
Why you should break free from your proprietary PBX and how to leverage your existing server hardware.
Securing web applications made simple and scalable
In this whitepaper learn how automated security testing can provide a simple and scalable way to protect your web applications.