Feeds

Mobile phones – you're all going to die

But WAP will live forever

  • alert
  • submit to reddit

Internet Security Threat Report 2014

Text messaging could damage your kidneys

Let's face it, if we continue to use mobile phones without regard to the consequences, we'll all end up sterile and carrying around our frazzled ears in a bag. So, what's the solution? John Robson thinks that the BMA has missed the point:

I quote from the end of your article (itself a quote):

"It recommended users limit calls, particularly those made to or by children, and switch off handsets when they were not in use."

I love this:-

"a) Don't phone your child - It doesn't mention the fact that a call to a child would probably involve them being on a landline!

b) Switch off handsets - Which friendless people are these? - Do they leave their home phone off the hook when they aren't using them? Have they not noticed that without a call in progress the phone only checks into the network intermittantly?"

Can someone inform the BMA how a mobile phone works?

We'd love to, but they've got their mobile switched off. Now, Cody J. Reeder was equally unimpressed. Naturally, as he points out, warnings about the potential health risks of new technology are nothing new:

The above article reminded me of a piece that I came across recently whilst going through some things of old Grandad (may he rest in peace) in the attic. The original parchment was a bit faded, but I think I got it all. Translation from Sanskrit by Babelfish:

From the Journal of the Sumerian Medical Association, August 22, 4553 BC.

Copper Axe: The End of Civilization?

Ur, Sumeria - Doctors are questioning the safety of the newly developed copper axe, and whether it should be allowed to be produced. Dr. Arouf Hamudezzaner, of St. John's Sumerian Hospital, has reported an alarming increase in the number of deep cuts attributed to the copper axe. He says: "With the older stone axes we saw more bruises and abrasions. However, the new copper axes are so sharp they can actually cut you, sometimes clean to the bone."

The axe is not just a threat to the fingers, he reports. "Sometimes workmen will carelessly leave an axe lying about. If you've never seen the foot of a child who has stepped on one of these, it's not a pretty sight."

Dr. Hamudezzaner reports that teenage boys are particularly at risk from the new axes. "You now how kids like to balance an axe on their foreheads to attract the ladies. With an old stone axe it was just good, safe fun. But with these new copper axes, if one slips - well, you could put an eye out with that thing!"

Supporters of the new axes state that with proper precautions the new axes are safe, and can increase productivity by an order of magnitude. Dr. Hamudezzaner, however, disagrees, and predicts that within a few generations the world will be filled with one-eyed, three-toed, two-fingered people.

Furthermore, Dr. Hamudezzaner predicts that the new axe is only the first of many future devices that will be able to "put an eye out."

As always, time will tell.

Very good. But it isn't all doom and gloom. Let's think about the positive aspects of mobile phone technology. Kieren McCarthy has been doggedly pursuing the premise that WAP is, in fact, crap. Indeed, he recently worried this bone again with his piece WAP is still crap. In response, the Utz Family have decided to take up the WAP banner:

i must beg to differ. WAP ROOLZ DUDE! (i hope that was sufficiently tacky pacific NW skiddy argot! :-) )

anyway.

i have a sprint pcs phone ( sanyo sc4000 ) that cost me us$100 after the us$100 rebate that we received for purchasing 2 of them. we've owned them for about 18months.

i did agree with your assertion that wap was silly for quiet some time. but significant content improvements have now caused me to conclude otherwise.

1. i can read news from several different websites on my phone. cnn, the washington post, several others. yup, i have to push the more button an awful fucking lot. that's suboptimal. but it beats the shit out of humming to ones self or playing 'crabcatch' (the game that came with the phone ).

i have been really greatful for the diversion on a couple of occasions in the last month: getting stuck in traffic after a mariners game, getting bored with reading my xml book on the bus, waiting at the italian place last friday for my wife, mom, and kids to show up.

matter of fact, that may have been a significant event in it's own banal way. my wife tried to call me to tell me that she was running late, but she kept getting my voicemail instead of me. that sounds *awfully* similar to the situation in our home circa 1995-96 prior to the *2nd* phone line (and we all have 2nd fone lines now, dont we?).

finally, i'll point you to www.mybus.org. this rox. i set it up (yes, typing in the href was annoying, but i dont have to do it anymore) and now all i have to do is start the browser and it goes to my bus of
interest 'straighaway' ( did i use that right? ). of course, it occurs to me that i might be more difficult to find the page that list's the newsites now that it appears to be skipping the menu, but i think that's what the 'MENU' or 'HOME' glyphs are for.

i have a request. one you may consider to be astounding given your outlook 'bout WAP. i'd *REALLY* like a WAP reg! seriously! you guys use css, so i know it's within your technical grasp. i suspect the ego climbdown would be the really hard part! :-) give it a thought! tnx!

i would like to point out that isps do not charge extra for the transmission of capital letters or proper punctuation in emails. also you will not get a discount for using f instead of ph. this must stop.

Top 5 reasons to deploy VMware with Tegile

More from The Register

next story
Holy vintage vehicles! Earliest known official Batmobile goes on sale
Riddle me this: are you prepared to pay US$180k?
Bible THUMP: Good Book beats Darwin to most influential tome title
Folio Society crowns fittest of surviving volumes
'Open source just means big companies can steal your code.' O RLY?
Plus: Flame of the Week returns, for one night only!
U wot? Silicon Roundabout set to become Silicon U-BEND
Crap-spouting London upstarts to get permanent road closure
Hey, you, PHONE-FACE! Kickstarter in-car mobe mount will EMBED your phone into your MUG
Stick it on the steering wheel and wait for the airbag to fire
NEWSFLASH: It's time to ditch dullard Facebook chums
Everything hot in tech, courtesy of avian anchor Regina Eggbert
'It is comforting to know where your data centres are.' UK.GOV does NOT
Plus: Anons are 'wannabes', KKK says, before being pwned
Criticism of Uber's journo-Data Analytics plan is an Attack on DIGITAL FREEDOM
First they came for Emil – and I'm damn well SPEAKING OUT
prev story

Whitepapers

Why cloud backup?
Combining the latest advancements in disk-based backup with secure, integrated, cloud technologies offer organizations fast and assured recovery of their critical enterprise data.
Getting started with customer-focused identity management
Learn why identity is a fundamental requirement to digital growth, and how without it there is no way to identify and engage customers in a meaningful way.
High Performance for All
While HPC is not new, it has traditionally been seen as a specialist area – is it now geared up to meet more mainstream requirements?
Reducing the cost and complexity of web vulnerability management
How using vulnerability assessments to identify exploitable weaknesses and take corrective action can reduce the risk of hackers finding your site and attacking it.
Top 5 reasons to deploy VMware with Tegile
Data demand and the rise of virtualization is challenging IT teams to deliver storage performance, scalability and capacity that can keep up, while maximizing efficiency.