Feeds

Monster Raving Loony Party unveils manifesto

Mobile measures, pet proxy votes and the Loch Ness Monster

  • alert
  • submit to reddit

The essential guide to IT transformation

The Monster Raving Loony Party has unveiled its manifesto and promised to sort out mobile phone irritation and the difficult topic of voting rights for pet animals.

Despite media reports that the manifesto was no more than a blank piece of paper - as full of genuine pledges as the other manifestos, it could be argued - the party's two official Web sites have laid out in full what they would do if elected.

Those who value peace will be pleased with the Party's policy on mobile phones. "Anyone using a mobile phone in public will be in danger of being 'silly stringed'," it reads. "Any member of the public will, at their own convenience and pleasure, be able to carry and use at their discretion cans of squirty silly string on anyone they hear using a mobile phone."

And pet lovers will be delighted to hear that in a Monster Raving Loony Britain, their animals will be entitled to a proxy vote by email - as long as they are electronic - demonstrating the Party's modern approach to pressing matters.

Other measures that caught our eye included. "In the interest of safety, all Cross Channel Ferry crews will be made to wear flares", "There should be a national debate on the subject of why there is only one female Smurf" and "We'll make class sizes smaller by standing kids closer together & giving them smaller desks".

The Party has dropped its pledge to put the Houses of Parliament on wheels and introduce crocodiles into the Thames. However it has come up with a unique solution to water shortages. "Down in the south of Britain there is invariably a water ban during the three weeks of sunshine. To the north of Britain there is a Loch which purports to hold an unknown (or possibly known) animal. We'll drain the Loch ... pipe the water down ... two mysteries solved!"

The manifesto can be viewed here. The first official site is here and the second here.

Related Links

Official site
Official site
Manifesto

Secure remote control for conventional and virtual desktops

More from The Register

next story
6 Obvious Reasons Why Facebook Will Ban This Article (Thank God)
Clampdown on clickbait ... and El Reg is OK with this
BBC: We're going to slip CODING into kids' TV
Pureed-carrot-in-ice cream C++ surprise
Twitter: La la la, we have not heard of any NUDE JLaw, Upton SELFIES
If there are any on our site it is not our fault as we are not a PUBLISHER
Facebook, Google and Instagram 'worse than drugs' says Miley Cyrus
Italian boffins agree with popette's theory that haters are the real wrecking balls
Sit tight, fanbois. Apple's '$400' wearable release slips into early 2015
Sources: time to put in plenty of clock-watching for' iWatch
Facebook to let stalkers unearth buried posts with mobe search
Prepare to HAUNT your pal's back catalogue
Ex-IBM CEO John Akers dies at 79
An era disrupted by the advent of the PC
prev story

Whitepapers

Endpoint data privacy in the cloud is easier than you think
Innovations in encryption and storage resolve issues of data privacy and key requirements for companies to look for in a solution.
Implementing global e-invoicing with guaranteed legal certainty
Explaining the role local tax compliance plays in successful supply chain management and e-business and how leading global brands are addressing this.
Advanced data protection for your virtualized environments
Find a natural fit for optimizing protection for the often resource-constrained data protection process found in virtual environments.
Boost IT visibility and business value
How building a great service catalog relieves pressure points and demonstrates the value of IT service management.
Next gen security for virtualised datacentres
Legacy security solutions are inefficient due to the architectural differences between physical and virtual environments.