Feeds

Attack of the 13ft crabs

Britain faces giant crustacean terror

  • alert
  • submit to reddit

Next gen security for virtualised datacentres

Just when weary Britons were anticipating a reopening of their ravaged countryside, a new ecological threat has emerged which could transcend even the foot and mouth crisis.

Birmingham's National Sea Life Centre has taken delivery of five Japanese spider crabs, a creature so fearsome that the aquarium has been forced to take out insurance against the cantankerous crustaceans leaping from their tanks and savaging innocent members of the public.

The eight-legged monsters can reach an impressive 13ft across and live up to 100 years - more than enough time to plan their escape to the wild.

The implications of such a jailbreak are terrifying. When mink - which were being farmed for their pelts - broke free and bred in the wild, the resulting rampage decimated Britain's native riverside fauna. This catastrophe will pale into insignificance should the spider crabs reach the country's waterways.

Having broken the toughened glass of their tanks, the crabs would need only to fight their way past aquarium security, slip unnoticed through the centre of Birmingham and negotiate numerous motorways, including the city's notorious 'spaghetti junction' before scuttling across country to the sea.

Nuclear weapons are likely to prove ineffective against the demonic denizen of the deep's tough exoskeleton, although a pan of boiling water might do the trick.

As we go to press, your reporter is still trying to find an IT angle to this story, although members of the Register SETI group are invited to join Crabwatch - a Vulture Central project to monitor all extra-aquaria crustaceous activity. ®

Bootnote

Remember - know your enemy. You can have a look at the crusty Kraken here. Thanks to Chris "broccoli!" Ferrell for the link.

Build a business case: developing custom apps

More from The Register

next story
Drunkards warned: If you can't walk in a straight line, don't shop online, you fool!
Put it away boys. Cover them up ladies. Your credit cards, we mean
Yes, but what are your plans if a DRAGON attacks?
Local UK gov outs most ridiculous FoI requests...
Murder accused DIDN'T ask Siri 'how to hide my roommate'
US court hears of cached browser image - not actual request
Cops baffled by riddle of CHICKEN who crossed ROAD
'Officers were unable to determine Chicken's intent'
Why your mum was WRONG about whiffy tattooed people
They're a future source of RENEWABLE ENERGY
Chomp that sausage: Brits just LOVE scoffing a Full Monty
Sales of traditional brekkie foods soar as hungry folk get their mitts greasy
Nuts to your poncey hipster coffees, I want a TESLA ELECTRO-CAFE
Examining the frothy disconnect in indie cafe culture
prev story

Whitepapers

Implementing global e-invoicing with guaranteed legal certainty
Explaining the role local tax compliance plays in successful supply chain management and e-business and how leading global brands are addressing this.
7 Elements of Radically Simple OS Migration
Avoid the typical headaches of OS migration during your next project by learning about 7 elements of radically simple OS migration.
BYOD's dark side: Data protection
An endpoint data protection solution that adds value to the user and the organization so it can protect itself from data loss as well as leverage corporate data.
Consolidation: The Foundation for IT Business Transformation
In this whitepaper learn how effective consolidation of IT and business resources can enable multiple, meaningful business benefits.
High Performance for All
While HPC is not new, it has traditionally been seen as a specialist area – is it now geared up to meet more mainstream requirements?