Tax help for sacked dotcom employees
Warning: Contains funny material
The dotcom dream - where young, talentless egotists could pretend they knew more about the world than everyone else and VCs indulged their fantasies for 18 months - has died. Thank god.
Far from creating a new world order where flashy graphics and arrogant enthusiasm was more important than customers for garnering money, it would seem that Josh will have to move back home with his parents and sell his shiny shirt to afford the train fare.
Not everyone is as unforgiving as ourselves though. Those nice people at ThoughtPolice.com have knocked up an Income Tax form for dotcom discardees, entitled "Income Tax Return for Recently Laid-Off Dotcom Employees With No Real Talent or Experience".
Qualify as a dotcom lay-off by admitting "I was recently asked to place all the contents of my cubicle into a cardboard box, and was forced to surrender my ID card and PalmPilot", "my job title included a trendy word like 'guru'" and others.
Working through the form, you are advised your income does not include your stock options "which are currently underwater". Other income includes "unemployment compensation, parental loans you have no intention of repaying and the value of all those free cocktails you slurped during last spring's launch parties".
Line 9 gives the helpful pointer: "You were overpaid. Multiply line 8 by 150 per cent. This is what you get for fucking up the economy for the rest of us."
Work your way through it and write a cheque for the figure at the end. And note that they will not accept "the 1980s coin-op Pac-Man your office bought to show everyone how cool you were".
Enough, already! Click here for the full thing.
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