Feeds

Woman gets mobile phone stuck up back orifice

Ring my ring game goes horribly wrong

  • alert
  • submit to reddit

Choosing a cloud hosting partner with confidence

Updated

Artist's impression of what doctors might have seen

A 20-year-old Taiwanese woman had to have a mobile phone surgically removed from her back passage after a sex game went horribly wrong.

According to a report by PA doctors in Taipei eventually managed to get the phone - a Nokia 8850 - out and said kinky sex games with her boyfriend has led to the rectal rumpus. Why a phone? Well, the vibrate function is definitely thought to have something to do with it. Whose phone? We cannot be sure whether she coveted her own phone or her boyfriend's. Or whether it was damaged in the ordeal (apart from olfactorially)

We believe this is the first public case of a mobile phone being used for such gratification. Well, internally anyway. And advances in miniaturisation have certainly made anal insertion a more practical possibility.

Our resident sexual freak, Dr Ping Reece had this to say over the matter. "She made a good choice in Nokia's 8850. Light, compact and with a smooth finish that will reduce the frictional effects. The vibrate is a good, deep shake as opposed to some modern phones that twitter rather than moan. It also has a slide down panel, which has helped me out with a few difficult extrications, I can tell you." ®

Please read this if you are simple The pic's a joke you half-wit


Now look here. The above picture is something that we knocked up in the office. If you check out the description it says "Artist's impression of what doctors might have seen". Of course it's not a real X-ray. It wasn't even meant to look like a real X-ray. It was a visual gag, a joke. The story, however, is true. Do you see what we've done now?

Incidentally, our technical correctness is indisputable. That is an X-ray of the relevant area. The phone actually is the Nokia 8550 and that is sort of the position that the phone would have been in, although probably not in such a beautifully posed way.

Secure remote control for conventional and virtual desktops

More from The Register

next story
Oz carrier Tiger Air takes terror alerts to new heights
Don't doodle, it might cost you your flight
WRISTJOB LOVE BONANZA: justWatch sex app promises blind date hookups
Mankind shuffles into the future, five fingers at a time
Every billionaire needs a PANZER TANK, right? STOP THERE, Paul Allen
Angry Microsoftie hauls auctioneers to court over stalled Pzkw. IV 'deal'
Oi, London thief. We KNOW what you're doing - our PRECRIME system warned us
Aye, shipmate, it be just like that Minority Report
Apple's Mr Havisham: Tim Cook says dead Steve Jobs' office has remained untouched
'I literally think about him every day' says biz baron's old friend
Cops apologise for leaving EXPLOSIVES in suitcase at airport
'Canine training exercise' SNAFU sees woman take home booming baggage
prev story

Whitepapers

Secure remote control for conventional and virtual desktops
Balancing user privacy and privileged access, in accordance with compliance frameworks and legislation. Evaluating any potential remote control choice.
Intelligent flash storage arrays
Tegile Intelligent Storage Arrays with IntelliFlash helps IT boost storage utilization and effciency while delivering unmatched storage savings and performance.
WIN a very cool portable ZX Spectrum
Win a one-off portable Spectrum built by legendary hardware hacker Ben Heck
High Performance for All
While HPC is not new, it has traditionally been seen as a specialist area – is it now geared up to meet more mainstream requirements?
Beginner's guide to SSL certificates
De-mystify the technology involved and give you the information you need to make the best decision when considering your online security options.