How to write for the Reg

Avid ZDnet fan Anthonie Wain has just sent us this hurtful guide to generating Reg content:

How to write an article for The Register in 7 easy steps:

Step:1
Go to www.zdnet.co.uk. Find a topical story on internet or technology news.

Step:2
Copy and paste article into The Register format.

Step:3
Add some sarcasm, biting comments/satire and any wild gossip/blatant lies that come to mind.

Step:4
Add some irrelevant links. Add some UKisms such as shag, shagging or shagged. Chuckle to self.

Step:5
Insert own name at top of article.

Step:6
Post article on The Register. Applaud your high sense of journalism and integrity. A job well done.

Step:7
Go back to doing nothing/drinking until a new article emerges on Zdnet.

Reckon you forgot a couple there, Ant:

Step 2a:
Check content for typos, mixed metaphors, split infinitives, misplaced apostrophes, etc.

Step 2b:
Rewrite piece to include some form of news content.

Step 4a:
Write rib-tickling tabloid headline: 'ZDnet pet wets self'