Pentagon chiefs and US boffins are apparently running around like headless chickens after their first 'space war games' resulted in the 'Chinese' giving Uncle Sam a good old cyberkicking.

The games, held in Colorado, were a serious attempt to evaluate how best to defend America's satellite systems. Two countries, codenamed Red and Blue, and generally held to be China and the US, slogged it out in cyberspace, each trying to disable the other's computer systems.

Despite having deployed billions of dollars worth of Star Wars missile sheilds, light sabres and Jedi knights, the US failed to predict a cunning pre-emptive strike by the commies. The cheeky monkeys simply got our their cheque books and bought every satellite they could. Rock on the free market...

The games were overseen by Major General William Looney III, latest in a long line of Looneys. Regarding the debacle, he noted: "We don't normally play space..." ®