Feeds

Despair.com trademarks :-(

And reveals unique cat patent

  • alert
  • submit to reddit

Secure remote control for conventional and virtual desktops

Satirical Web site Despair.com claims it has trademarked the frowny emoticon - you know, :-( - and will sue any mutha that gets in its way.

A press release on its site exclaims: "Despair filed suit yesterday in a US District Court in Dallas, alleging trademark infringement against over seven million individual Internet users. The company has requested separate injunctions granted against each. It is believed to be the largest single trademark dispute in history."

The list was compiled thanks to the FBI's Carnivore tapping system, Despair explained. It also gives praise to Amazon boss Jeff Bezos for being a "true innovator". "He's really inspired a new movement in the dotcom universe - frivolous, destructive intellectual property lawsuits. I couldn't be happier to be a part of the revolution."

There follows an amusing fudged picture of Despair COO Dr. E L Kersten with Jeff and his wife in a restaurant - where apparently Dr Kersten informed Jeff that he was one of the seven million under investigation.

It's all pretty funny stuff, so if you fancy a laugh, check it out here.

However, one thing in particular that caught our eye was the sentence: "Andrew Kirkus, co-editor of IP Magazine, offered a less dire assessment of the grant, 'Whether the issuance is a dangerous one remains to be seen. What is certain, however, is that it appears that someone has finally bested patent 5443036 for most ridiculous intellectual property filing in history'."

Patent 5,443,036 is real and titled "Method to exercise a cat". The abstract reads as follows: "A method for inducing cats to exercise consists of directing a beam of invisible light produced by a hand-held laser apparatus onto the floor or wall or other opaque surface in the vicinity of the cat, then moving the laser so as to cause the bright pattern of light to move in an irregular way fascinating to cats, and to any other animal with a chase instinct." The patent was filed in November 1993 and granted in 1995, and is frankly hilarious - and ludicrous. It's worth it for the picture itself.

So, get rid of the mid-week blues and have a chuckle here. ®

Related links

Despair's trademark story
Cat exercising patent
Stunning pic of cat patent

Related patent megalomania stories

AltaVista to become only Net search engine
Prodigy to fight BT's 'shameless' hyperlinks patent lawsuit
DoubleClick settles patent cases with both Sabela and L90
Amazon sues Barnes & Noble over checkout system
Amazon's Bezos calls for radical change in patent laws
US patent mess will get worse before it gets better

Secure remote control for conventional and virtual desktops

More from The Register

next story
Phones 4u slips into administration after EE cuts ties with Brit mobe retailer
More than 5,500 jobs could be axed if rescue mission fails
Israeli spies rebel over mass-snooping on innocent Palestinians
'Disciplinary treatment will be sharp and clear' vow spy-chiefs
Apple CEO Tim Cook: TV is TERRIBLE and stuck in the 1970s
The iKing thinks telly is far too fiddly and ugly – basically, iTunes
Huawei ditches new Windows Phone mobe plans, blames poor sales
Giganto mobe firm slams door shut on Microsoft. OH DEAR
Phones 4u website DIES as wounded mobe retailer struggles to stay above water
Founder blames 'ruthless network partners' for implosion
Found inside ISIS terror chap's laptop: CELINE DION tunes
REPORT: Stash of terrorist material found in Syria Dell box
Show us your Five-Eyes SECRETS says Privacy International
Refusal to disclose GCHQ canteen menus and prices triggers Euro Human Rights Court action
prev story

Whitepapers

Secure remote control for conventional and virtual desktops
Balancing user privacy and privileged access, in accordance with compliance frameworks and legislation. Evaluating any potential remote control choice.
Saudi Petroleum chooses Tegile storage solution
A storage solution that addresses company growth and performance for business-critical applications of caseware archive and search along with other key operational systems.
High Performance for All
While HPC is not new, it has traditionally been seen as a specialist area – is it now geared up to meet more mainstream requirements?
Security for virtualized datacentres
Legacy security solutions are inefficient due to the architectural differences between physical and virtual environments.
Providing a secure and efficient Helpdesk
A single remote control platform for user support is be key to providing an efficient helpdesk. Retain full control over the way in which screen and keystroke data is transmitted.