Feeds

Despair.com trademarks :-(

And reveals unique cat patent

  • alert
  • submit to reddit

High performance access to file storage

Satirical Web site Despair.com claims it has trademarked the frowny emoticon - you know, :-( - and will sue any mutha that gets in its way.

A press release on its site exclaims: "Despair filed suit yesterday in a US District Court in Dallas, alleging trademark infringement against over seven million individual Internet users. The company has requested separate injunctions granted against each. It is believed to be the largest single trademark dispute in history."

The list was compiled thanks to the FBI's Carnivore tapping system, Despair explained. It also gives praise to Amazon boss Jeff Bezos for being a "true innovator". "He's really inspired a new movement in the dotcom universe - frivolous, destructive intellectual property lawsuits. I couldn't be happier to be a part of the revolution."

There follows an amusing fudged picture of Despair COO Dr. E L Kersten with Jeff and his wife in a restaurant - where apparently Dr Kersten informed Jeff that he was one of the seven million under investigation.

It's all pretty funny stuff, so if you fancy a laugh, check it out here.

However, one thing in particular that caught our eye was the sentence: "Andrew Kirkus, co-editor of IP Magazine, offered a less dire assessment of the grant, 'Whether the issuance is a dangerous one remains to be seen. What is certain, however, is that it appears that someone has finally bested patent 5443036 for most ridiculous intellectual property filing in history'."

Patent 5,443,036 is real and titled "Method to exercise a cat". The abstract reads as follows: "A method for inducing cats to exercise consists of directing a beam of invisible light produced by a hand-held laser apparatus onto the floor or wall or other opaque surface in the vicinity of the cat, then moving the laser so as to cause the bright pattern of light to move in an irregular way fascinating to cats, and to any other animal with a chase instinct." The patent was filed in November 1993 and granted in 1995, and is frankly hilarious - and ludicrous. It's worth it for the picture itself.

So, get rid of the mid-week blues and have a chuckle here. ®

Related links

Despair's trademark story
Cat exercising patent
Stunning pic of cat patent

Related patent megalomania stories

AltaVista to become only Net search engine
Prodigy to fight BT's 'shameless' hyperlinks patent lawsuit
DoubleClick settles patent cases with both Sabela and L90
Amazon sues Barnes & Noble over checkout system
Amazon's Bezos calls for radical change in patent laws
US patent mess will get worse before it gets better

High performance access to file storage

More from The Register

next story
Sorry London, Europe's top tech city is Munich
New 'Atlas of ICT Activity' finds innovation isn't happening at Silicon Roundabout
MtGox chief Karpelès refuses to come to US for g-men's grilling
Bitcoin baron says he needs another lawyer for FinCEN chat
Dropbox defends fantastically badly timed Condoleezza Rice appointment
'Nothing is going to change with Dr. Rice's appointment,' file sharer promises
Audio fans, prepare yourself for the Second Coming ... of Blu-ray
High Fidelity Pure Audio – is this what your ears have been waiting for?
Did a date calculation bug just cost hard-up Co-op Bank £110m?
And just when Brit banking org needs £400m to stay afloat
Zucker punched: Google gobbles Facebook-wooed Titan Aerospace
Up, up and away in my beautiful balloon flying broadband-bot
Apple DOMINATES the Valley, rakes in more profit than Google, HP, Intel, Cisco COMBINED
Cook & Co. also pay more taxes than those four worthies PLUS eBay and Oracle
prev story

Whitepapers

Securing web applications made simple and scalable
In this whitepaper learn how automated security testing can provide a simple and scalable way to protect your web applications.
Five 3D headsets to be won!
We were so impressed by the Durovis Dive headset we’ve asked the company to give some away to Reg readers.
HP ArcSight ESM solution helps Finansbank
Based on their experience using HP ArcSight Enterprise Security Manager for IT security operations, Finansbank moved to HP ArcSight ESM for fraud management.
The benefits of software based PBX
Why you should break free from your proprietary PBX and how to leverage your existing server hardware.
Mobile application security study
Download this report to see the alarming realities regarding the sheer number of applications vulnerable to attack, as well as the most common and easily addressable vulnerability errors.