Feeds

Online lap dancing guide – by Peter Stringfellows' girlfriend

Send this URL to your missus and buy her some flowers

  • alert
  • submit to reddit

Build a business case: developing custom apps

We were forwarded the homepage URL of strip club owner Peter Stringfellow's girlfriend, Lucy Carr, with the catch line "check this out - v.sad". And sure enough, it is a terrifying insight into the world of a fit but not so bright lap dancer who is currently going out with a hirsute, aging stripclub owner. And, of course, we love it.

However, hidden among the philosophy, quantum physics and snaps with celebrities (including a scanned-in newspaper photo of her, "Stringy" and Hugh Grant), we were intrigued to find a guide to lap dancing. As the frankly-rather-saucy Lucy explains: "I have almost a years experience of lap dancing and although I no longer dance, I think I know pretty much everything about turning a man on! - without even touching him! Follow my advice and you'll have your man begging for more!"

Thus follows a monosyllabic guide to how to get your man begging for more. But the good thing about it is that because it is so simple and practical, it's actually rather good. This is why we draw your attention to it. Now, Lucy is a young, lithe lady and perhaps the thought of your missus writhing and stretching in a tiny g-string is enough to put you off your food, but you could do worse than send her the URL, buy her some flowers and chocolate and a bottle of wine and hope for the best. It will almost certainly come down to pleading, but hey, it's worth a go.

This then is the start of the guide: Lucy's Lap Dancing site. Enjoy. ®

PS. I do not want to know any details about your sordid sex lives, so don't use this story as an excuse to give me the fear. No emails, I repeat, no emails.

Boost IT visibility and business value

More from The Register

next story
NSA man: 'Tell me about your Turkish connections'
Spooks ask Dabbsy to suggest a nice hotel with pool
Russia sends SEX-CRAZED GECKOS to SPAAAAACE!
In space... no one can hear you're green...
Indian techies-in-training face down MAN-EATING LEOPARD - and WIN
Big cat causes big trouble at Mumbai college
Carlos: Slim your working week to just three days of toil
'Midas World' vision suggests you retire later, watch more tellie and buy more stuff
Yahoo! Japan! launches! service! for! the! dead!
If you're reading this email, I am no longer alive
Plucky Rockall podule man back on (proper) dry land
Bold, barmy Brit adventurer Nick Hancock escapes North Atlantic islet
Motorist 'thought car had caught fire' as Adele track came on stereo
'FIRE' caption on dashboard prompts dunderheaded hard shoulder halt
prev story

Whitepapers

Implementing global e-invoicing with guaranteed legal certainty
Explaining the role local tax compliance plays in successful supply chain management and e-business and how leading global brands are addressing this.
The Essential Guide to IT Transformation
ServiceNow discusses three IT transformations that can help CIO's automate IT services to transform IT and the enterprise.
Consolidation: The Foundation for IT Business Transformation
In this whitepaper learn how effective consolidation of IT and business resources can enable multiple, meaningful business benefits.
How modern custom applications can spur business growth
Learn how to create, deploy and manage custom applications without consuming or expanding the need for scarce, expensive IT resources.
Build a business case: developing custom apps
Learn how to maximize the value of custom applications by accelerating and simplifying their development.