Feeds

Computer games cripple kiddies

Nippers struck down by RSI and stigmata

  • alert
  • submit to reddit

Internet Security Threat Report 2014

Not content with wasting the health service's time by jamming their heads into saucepans and falling out of trees, kids have found a new way of damaging themselves - and all in the safety of their own homes.

Doctors are reporting an alarming rise of 'nintendonitis' - damage to the hands caused by excessive use of computer games. A Scottish 11-year-old ended up in casualty after whining that he couldn't write after a particularly enthusiastic gaming orgy over last year's Xmas holidays.

Docs said that it was the first case of computer-related repetitive strain injury (RSI) they had ever seen in a child.

Not to be outdone, a nine-year-old schoolgirl wore a hole in her palm bashing her Nintendo 64. Apparently the parents had failed to read the safety instructions properly. No doubt they include the warning, 'This product may cause stigmata if abused.'

With 56 million Nintendo 64s already sold, and Xmas just around the corner, casualty units are no doubt bracing themselves for a flood of RSI-crippled brats. ®

Bootnote

RSI is a common complaint among male Reg hacks. Many caused permanent damage to their right hands during adolescence through repetitive and repeated jerking motions. It had nothing to do with computer games, though.

Intelligent flash storage arrays

More from The Register

next story
I'll be back (and forward): Hollywood's time travel tribulations
Quick, call the Time Cops to sort out this paradox!
Musicians sue UK.gov over 'zero pay' copyright fix
Everyone else in Europe compensates us - why can't you?
Megaupload overlord Kim Dotcom: The US HAS RADICALISED ME!
Now my lawyers have bailed 'cos I'm 'OFFICIALLY' BROKE
MI6 oversight report on Lee Rigby murder: US web giants offer 'safe haven for TERRORISM'
PM urged to 'prioritise issue' after Facebook hindsight find
BT said to have pulled patent-infringing boxes from DSL network
Take your license demand and stick it in your ASSIA
Right to be forgotten should apply to Google.com too: EU
And hey - no need to tell the website you've de-listed. That'll make it easier ...
prev story

Whitepapers

Seattle children’s accelerates Citrix login times by 500% with cross-tier insight
Seattle Children’s is a leading research hospital with a large and growing Citrix XenDesktop deployment. See how they used ExtraHop to accelerate launch times.
5 critical considerations for enterprise cloud backup
Key considerations when evaluating cloud backup solutions to ensure adequate protection security and availability of enterprise data.
Forging a new future with identity relationship management
Learn about ForgeRock's next generation IRM platform and how it is designed to empower CEOS's and enterprises to engage with consumers.
High Performance for All
While HPC is not new, it has traditionally been seen as a specialist area – is it now geared up to meet more mainstream requirements?
Beginner's guide to SSL certificates
De-mystify the technology involved and give you the information you need to make the best decision when considering your online security options.