Computer games cripple kiddies
Nippers struck down by RSI and stigmata
Not content with wasting the health service's time by jamming their heads into saucepans and falling out of trees, kids have found a new way of damaging themselves - and all in the safety of their own homes.
Doctors are reporting an alarming rise of 'nintendonitis' - damage to the hands caused by excessive use of computer games. A Scottish 11-year-old ended up in casualty after whining that he couldn't write after a particularly enthusiastic gaming orgy over last year's Xmas holidays.
Docs said that it was the first case of computer-related repetitive strain injury (RSI) they had ever seen in a child.
Not to be outdone, a nine-year-old schoolgirl wore a hole in her palm bashing her Nintendo 64. Apparently the parents had failed to read the safety instructions properly. No doubt they include the warning, 'This product may cause stigmata if abused.'
With 56 million Nintendo 64s already sold, and Xmas just around the corner, casualty units are no doubt bracing themselves for a flood of RSI-crippled brats. ®
RSI is a common complaint among male Reg hacks. Many caused permanent damage to their right hands during adolescence through repetitive and repeated jerking motions. It had nothing to do with computer games, though.