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At last the truth can be revealed - the terrible and dark truth about what exactly is going on in our

GN Netcom

Bluetooth competition photo. We also have a winner. More of that in due course.

First, let's peruse some of the more noteworthy captions submitted by Reg aficionados. Dismissed outright was this effort from Dmitry Luybchenko: Dear mister's!!! Hello! From RUSSIA! Please, send me Bluetooth! please! No money! Russia! Get a grip on yourself man. We know things are bad over there, but to be reduced to begging for kit. Disgraceful. Also, you have to submit a caption with your snivelling.

Next up are those who failed to get the 'funny' bit of the competition and went straight for the 'caption' option: It really looks like a surgical proceedure on a human knee or hip replacement surgery, noted Chris Ward. Pundalik Nayak was equally challenged in the funny department: Is it some sort of remote surgical intervention using a mechanical arm? Young Sylvia worried us a bit with: I think it is an air conditioning / heating unit. Sylvia, we understand, we really do.

Inevitably, the old US presidential Florida chad fiasco provoked a few possibilities: Looks like Al Gore is trying to pull a few more votes out of some Florida residents' rear ends, before they get flushed like the other 19000 votes did, said Tony Kaser. Misha Gravenor went further: Clearly this is a photograph of democratic ballots being stuffed into Dick Cheney's chest cavity. He really didn't suffer froma heart attack - George Bush and Katherine Harris devised the plan as a secure hiding place for 1000 or so votes in Gore's favor, a theme developed by Charles Derden: It's a hanging chad being used as a shunt in Dick Cheney's heart surgery. Who did you lot vote for then?

Anti-Bush stuff was completely overshadowed by the vitriol some of you splashed over Rambus. This picture is of a new device for removing Rambus lawyers from your ass, seen here in operation. Please note that this has yet to be successful, snorted Hernan Alvarez. Vulture Central spies capture delicate moment in emergency operation to remove Rambus corporation's head from own arse, agreed Steve Fenton. Bitter, bitter words. And that's the printable stuff.

Still, Mr Fenton is to be applauded for getting a Vulture Central reference in. This is always a good move if you want to see your name in lights, as David O'Flynn's El Reg staffers extracting the truth from BT spokesman, proves. Ray Raddatz added a note of pure libel with: Judging from the tubing and organic material, I would have to say it's a Reg staffers liver replacement surgery. After months of reading your publication, I've concluded that most of your staff is often pissed and may have impaired liver function. You cheeky monkey - we at the Reg shine out as beacons of journalistic sobriety. Honestly, your Honour.

I know you've all been waiting for the filth, so we'll slide gently in with Giles Crawford's: It's an Oxfam-hosted S and M session! Shame on you, Giles. F. McIntyre reckons that: The girl in the photo is learning French online with her professor who is at la sorbonne. He says he wishes Bluetooth was available online. 'But it is,' says our girl, at www... Actually I don't know whether that's dirty or just plain barking mad. Definitively dirty is Vincent Giovannone with: Now that we have the outer labia successfully out of the way, we can identify the object this lady has impaled herself with. My God! It's a dildo made entirely out of C4. EVACUATE! EVACUATE! FIRE IN THE HOLE!! Dear me. Better take a leaf out Jim Magdych's book and stick to loin-stirring nostalgia: Clearly, it's a bottle-feeding baby badger in a bonnet... Although the 'bottle' looks suspiciously like a statue of the Virgin Mary that I once broke (entirely by accident, mind you) while visiting a friend. Yes, I'm forming a mental picture of this one too...

Enough, I say, enough. Time for some results. The runner up (yes, there was no runner up, but he can have a Reg shirt for his fine effort) is Allan MacLean with: The photograph shows a finalist in the Paralympics midwifery championships. A very nasty thought indeed.

Nevertheless, the worthy winner is Mark Ledger's Surgeons finally manage to insert a bluetooth unit into a test pig. Doctor Doolittle can now truly talk to the animals. Well done that man. One Bluetooth headset on its way.

Thanks as ever to all who entered, and to GN Netcom for the kit. Oh yes, nearly forgot. The photo is of a vet giving a horse some serious stick with an equine dental rasp. But you knew that.®

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