Feeds

Bigger tits for Lara Croft

It's a miracle she can even stand up

  • alert
  • submit to reddit

Secure remote control for conventional and virtual desktops

Update Lara Croft's breasts are to get a boost for the new version of Tomb Raider. According to the game's designers, her 38D assets [see Technical Briefing below] will be given "more definition". They won't necessarily be bigger but will have added detail - so, presumably they will look bigger. We're also waiting on an answer as to whether this extra "detail" will include nipples.

Of course this is all PR nonsense to raise interest in the game and, as a Reg staffer pointed out, you never get to see them anyway because you're always behind her. We are unable to confirm whether Core Design will include a new viewing angle purely to enjoy the game's latest enhancements. But don't worry. Apparently, her arse will also be rounder.

Incidentally, the woman chosen to play Lara in some upcoming hype-led crap movie only has 32DD breasts, as does the lady that does the games show circuit, getting geeks all sweaty (although, a quick trawl of Angelina Jolie sites shows her varying from 32DD to 38DD. Obsessive reporter John Leyden has offered to visit Angelina and find out once and for all).

But escaping for a moment from the sex-crazed modern world, a quote in yesterday's Metro brings back to life the halcyon days of gaming: "Modern games are rubbish. The old games concentrate more on gameplay than on scantily clad women running around," said Andrew Barker of games supplier Arcade Heaven.

Now, combining the two... ®

Update

Core Design has got back to us to clarify a few things about Lara's breasts. They are not, repeat, not, larger. But they do have much finer detail. They are a 34D, not 38D as has been reported. The thing is, your Lara breast is currently made of 500 polygons. With new technology, they will now be boosted to 4,000 to 5,000 polygons. And you know what that means? A better breast.

You'll be excited to know that her face and hands will be better rendered. Not interested? Oh. Anyway, the new game will apparently not even be of the Tomb Raider series. It will be a different game featuring not only Lara but other characters (men and women) as well. The plot has been worked out and will traverse several future games. So there you have it.

Technical Briefing

Lucy Sherriff, the only woman in the Reg office, writes: Should you ever need to know how bra sizes work, don't look to the creators of Lara Croft for advice. Their suggestion that Lara Croft wears a 38D is utter nonsense.

The first part of a bra size is actually the measurement around the rib cage, just under the boobs. The second part in a measurement of the difference between the breast, at its fullest point, and the rib cage measurement.

If Lara Croft is 38 inches round her rib cage, I'll eat my hat.

The official word from the only woman in the office? Lara's probably a bit bigger than Jolie herself, maybe a 32F. ®

More stories about breasts, and a link

Victoria's Secret bra measuring service
Click here for smaller tits
'Magnificent breasts'gets pulled by content security firm
Computer bra boob shuts M&S
Armageddon off with the blood sports bra
Is it a bra or an anti-mugging device

Secure remote control for conventional and virtual desktops

More from The Register

next story
Microsoft boots 1,500 dodgy apps from the Windows Store
DEVELOPERS! DEVELOPERS! DEVELOPERS! Naughty, misleading developers!
'Stop dissing Google or quit': OK, I quit, says Code Club co-founder
And now a message from our sponsors: 'STFU or else'
Apple promises to lift Curse of the Drained iPhone 5 Battery
Have you tried turning it off and...? Never mind, here's a replacement
Uber, Lyft and cutting corners: The true face of the Sharing Economy
Casual labour and tired ideas = not really web-tastic
Mozilla's 'Tiles' ads debut in new Firefox nightlies
You can try turning them off and on again
Linux turns 23 and Linus Torvalds celebrates as only he can
No, not with swearing, but by controlling the release cycle
prev story

Whitepapers

5 things you didn’t know about cloud backup
IT departments are embracing cloud backup, but there’s a lot you need to know before choosing a service provider. Learn all the critical things you need to know.
Implementing global e-invoicing with guaranteed legal certainty
Explaining the role local tax compliance plays in successful supply chain management and e-business and how leading global brands are addressing this.
Backing up Big Data
Solving backup challenges and “protect everything from everywhere,” as we move into the era of big data management and the adoption of BYOD.
Consolidation: The Foundation for IT Business Transformation
In this whitepaper learn how effective consolidation of IT and business resources can enable multiple, meaningful business benefits.
High Performance for All
While HPC is not new, it has traditionally been seen as a specialist area – is it now geared up to meet more mainstream requirements?