Feeds

Dr Spinola's sad babe advice line

Things not to do in Denver if you don't want to be dead

  • alert
  • submit to reddit

Providing a secure and efficient Helpdesk

Now how many times do I have to tell you - let's be careful out there?

Ladies, it's terribly tempting to accept the offer of an evening out with your favourite local psycho, but you should bear in mind Dr Spinola's top ten tips.

1. If your hunky new boyfriend invites you to climb into an empty oil drum, just say 'no'.
2. Should your newly-acquired paramour ask you if you would mind holding a chainsaw by the sharp end with your knees, our advice would be to say 'no'.
3. If your date asks you to sharpen a number of large, carbon steel knives, make an excuse and leave.
4. Anyone demanding: "design me an i820 mobo, bitch", should be considered to be a very disturbed person.
5. No gentleman would ever ask a lady to take home a large bag of ironing (unless the lady in question is the mother of the gentleman in question.)
6. "How'd ya like this up ya?" Should not be regarded as a terribly positive opening gambit.
7. "I can get you on the radio" sounds quite attractive, but one should consider the possibility of having one's giblets draped across an ancient wireless alongside the potential of having a new broadcasting career opening up before one.
8. Never reply to an Internet lonely heart ad.
9. Never reply to a local newspaper lonely heart ad.
10. If you still crave male company, simply send a large quantity of money and a selection of personal close-ups to Dr Spinola at the usual address. ®

Security for virtualized datacentres

More from The Register

next story
Are you a fat boy? Get to university NOW, you PENNILESS SLACKER
Rotund types paid nearly 20% less than people who didn't eat all the pies
Emma Watson should SHUT UP, all this abuse is HER OWN FAULT
... said an anon coward who we really wish hadn't posted on our website
Japan develops robot CHEERLEADERS which RIDE on BALLS
'Will put smiles on faces worldwide', predicts corporate PR chief
Bruges Booze tubes to pump LOVELY BEER underneath city
Belgian booze pumped from underground
Oz carrier Tiger Air takes terror alerts to new heights
Don't doodle, it might cost you your flight
Amazon: Wish in one hand, Twit in the other – see which one fills first
#AmazonWishList A year's supply of Arran scotch, ta
Let it go, Steve: Ballmer bans iPads from his LA Clippers b-ball team
Can you imagine the scene? 'Hey guys, it's your new owner – WTF is that on your desk?'
Oi, London thief. We KNOW what you're doing - our PRECRIME system warned us
Aye, shipmate, it be just like that Minority Report
prev story

Whitepapers

A strategic approach to identity relationship management
ForgeRock commissioned Forrester to evaluate companies’ IAM practices and requirements when it comes to customer-facing scenarios versus employee-facing ones.
Storage capacity and performance optimization at Mizuno USA
Mizuno USA turn to Tegile storage technology to solve both their SAN and backup issues.
High Performance for All
While HPC is not new, it has traditionally been seen as a specialist area – is it now geared up to meet more mainstream requirements?
Beginner's guide to SSL certificates
De-mystify the technology involved and give you the information you need to make the best decision when considering your online security options.
Security for virtualized datacentres
Legacy security solutions are inefficient due to the architectural differences between physical and virtual environments.