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Best of the Rest: barbie porn, whistleblowing and drunk journalists

Another week in the frankly mental world of IT

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Security for virtualized datacentres

Mobile phones are penis extensions

Just read your letters page about men and their mobile phones. Thought my sad little story might amuse you. I've just dumped my boyfriend over his mobile phone. Not 'cos he spent all day on it, not 'cos he called other women on it. No, it's because he wanted me to call him. Hourly. Not that this need be a problem - perhaps he loved me and missed me. But no, he never answered my calls. Why? Because his phone was in his trouser pocket, switched to "vibrate".

For all you ladies out there whose partners put their phones on the pub/restaurant table - just be grateful! For all you pub/restaurant punters out there - look out for the sweaty, grinny bloke with the quivering pants pocket...

(the now single) Karen Green



How to be a whistleblower and keep your job

Tell grandma the coast is clear. Uncle Edward will meet you at the safe house. Tell Ingrid the dog is fine.

Jon Brownridge



Have you read the letter on this week's list by Vesa Pajula? What a moron! And what a name! Did he just take the time to write that email because he feels squirmish about his own cellphone habits? He claims that most studies are crap, while bringing in his 80% figure that he got where? Or does Vesa assume the right to speak for his comrades who, pray Thor are not as weak-minded as himself.



Then to add the green flies that make his article GENUINE crap, he says "I doubt if mobile phone has status value of any kind." He doubts! Hasn't he so boldly enumerated three lines back, the reasons why cellphones are not hauled out as status items? And finally, in hot trickling streams, our friend really pees on his own keyboard: "Unless you have the coolest gizmo around, of course."

Vesa- I hope you never get a passport.

Ben Harper



You like to present yourselves as being on top of events, so I don't understand how you could have missed the following story which was splashed across the front page of this week's Network News:



"Anti-porn software fails to block images"

A team of several hundred crack (sic) journalists apparently spent a large amount of time trying (and succeeding) to get piccies of naked people (mainly naked women but also babies and orange orangutans) past a ludicrous piece of software called PORNsweeper.

The front-page article was adorned with an entirely necessary picture of a naked woman (to remind us who work in IT what one looks like, I presume) so I had to wrap my copy of Network News in the Daily Star before I could get on the Tube this morning.

Can you advise how I could get a job in journalism like that?

Regards,

Nick Rozanski

PS Sorry about the wobbly handwriting (C) Bob Monkhouse 25 B.C.



[Html errors left in for no particular reason]



Pick up a Penguin.

Have you been taken over by a demented Linux marketing team or what? Do you really think that by subliminally flashing the Linux Penguin that we are going to become enchanted with the little fella and become converted to the Linux way? This is like the Republicans having the word "rat" pop up in their party adverting when dissing the Democrats. Then saying "oh there was no intention to put the word rat on screen, we just could not fit the whole Democrat word on TV". Exactly, bollocks if you're going to pledge your allegiance to Linux make it obvious don't try shitty subliminal tricks that don't work!!

MMMMMMMMNNNNNNNNNNN, PENGUIN, PENGUIN, KING PENGUIN, AHHH LINUX, LINUX, MUST BUY, MUSY BUY, WHY?? JUST BUY, JUST BUY, GOOD, GOOD, GOOD, GOOD, GOOD, BUY, BUY, BUY, PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP

PPPPPPPPPPPPIIIIIIIICCCCCCKKKKKK UP A PENGUIN!!!!!! HA, HA, HA, HA

Charlie Brown



ZDNet wakes up and smells P4 shocker

I have to say, like any hard working IT professional I've just come back from a massive piss up (still not totally drunk :( ). and your article totally cracked me up, most of all "ZDNet UK supremo Richard Barry was unavailable for comment because we couldn't be bothered to phone him".

Let's face it, The Register rulez, everyone knows it. And everyone else would love to be just like you!

Keep it going you "31337" people

P.S. please, if I ever become rich and famous contact me before publishing this e-mail, I'll pay you ANYTHING.

[Name withheld on expectation of payment]



Regarding David Kelman's piece of "wisdom" on the origins of the word fag, it is *not* related to homosexuals because they were used to burn homosexuals at the stake. This is one of those many many urban myths. It's up there along with the supposed one about them being called fags due to the way witches were burned at the stake on top of a might pile of 'faggots' (no doubt some homophobe came up with that one).



It's just one of those words that has come to be misused in recent times.

Rick Hodger



As a "Yank", I'm surprised that my "Government Officials" are so silly about "porn". [This attitude is EVERYWHERE!!]



For instance, our Republicans are worried that our children might learn how they came into being. The Republicans shouldn't REALLY worry, because the "children" created by this "fornication" will grow up to be workers in big corporations. It's perfect !

The Democrats, while advocating that some of these children should be allowed to be "killed" before they are born, will not allow them to grow and possess guns, which might kill them AFTER they've left the womb. They also rail against porn on the Internet, while pandering to Hollywood, where films are produced that contain such graphic violence that the horror movies from the middle of the last century PALE by comparison. Their attitude makes me wonder how many people have been killed or maimed
by "violently swinging" breasts! Porn would me much better than violence for kids to be "raised on". (Make Love, not War!)

I think we're all a bit daffy !!

Keep up the GOOD work !!!
JB

Providing a secure and efficient Helpdesk

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