Feeds

Blighty goes teetotal

The end is nigh

  • alert
  • submit to reddit

Gartner critical capabilities for enterprise endpoint backup

A record 18 per cent of Brits now eschew a drop of the hard stuff, according to The Drink Pocket Book 2001.

We were still reeling down here at Vulture Central from Kieren 'Last Orders' McCarthy's revelation that kids were eschewing cigarettes for mobile phones. Then came this body blow. It confirms what we had feared all along: The country's going to hell in a handcart and a load of lentil-eating teetotallers are going to sit by soberly and let it happen.

In 1980 a laughable 12 per cent of Brits would dare utter the immortal line "No, I'll just have a Perrier with a twist." Back then they risked ridicule at best. At worst, they would be dragged from the pub by a howling drunken mob, tied to a stone-filled oak beer cask and thrown in the river.

When I was a lad my dear old Grandpa would sit me on his knee and tell of how he and the other apprentices would drink three pints of gin for breakfast. They'd follow this up with 3 yards of strong English ale for lunch, further polishing off 16 pints of snakebite before supper.

Then, he would tell me with tremulous voice and tearful eye, came 1916 and the licensing laws as we now know them. Before that fateful day we had an empire on which the sun never set. Eighty-odd years later the pax britannica extends solely to a load of sheep shaggers in the South Atlantic, protected by hired German submarines. The connection is obvious. I rest my case.

There is, however, some good news. Overall alcohol consumption is up, due entirely to committed drinkers attacking the subject with renewed enthusiasm. We like to think that we at The Reg are making are own small contribution to this fightback. ®

Next gen security for virtualised datacentres

More from The Register

next story
Cops baffled by riddle of CHICKEN who crossed ROAD
'Officers were unable to determine Chicken's intent'
Drunkards warned: If you can't walk in a straight line, don't shop online, you fool!
Put it away boys. Cover them up ladies. Your credit cards, we mean
Yes, but what are your plans if a DRAGON attacks?
Local UK gov outs most ridiculous FoI requests...
Murder accused DIDN'T ask Siri 'how to hide my roommate'
US court hears of cached browser image - not actual request
Why your mum was WRONG about whiffy tattooed people
They're a future source of RENEWABLE ENERGY
Chomp that sausage: Brits just LOVE scoffing a Full Monty
Sales of traditional brekkie foods soar as hungry folk get their mitts greasy
Nuts to your poncey hipster coffees, I want a TESLA ELECTRO-CAFE
Examining the frothy disconnect in indie cafe culture
Ex-Apple man Sam Sung - for it is he - sticks namebadge on eBay
Stump up via tat bazaar, do a good thing for ill kids
Check your Clungene, Irish women warned
Have a quick shufti, you may not be pregnant after all
prev story

Whitepapers

5 things you didn’t know about cloud backup
IT departments are embracing cloud backup, but there’s a lot you need to know before choosing a service provider. Learn all the critical things you need to know.
Implementing global e-invoicing with guaranteed legal certainty
Explaining the role local tax compliance plays in successful supply chain management and e-business and how leading global brands are addressing this.
Build a business case: developing custom apps
Learn how to maximize the value of custom applications by accelerating and simplifying their development.
Rethinking backup and recovery in the modern data center
Combining intelligence, operational analytics, and automation to enable efficient, data-driven IT organizations using the HP ABR approach.
Next gen security for virtualised datacentres
Legacy security solutions are inefficient due to the architectural differences between physical and virtual environments.