Feeds

SMS ovulation comp provokes flood of filth

Her: Go to work on an egg. Him: Just slam in the lamb

  • alert
  • submit to reddit

Next gen security for virtualised datacentres

We recently reported that motherandbaby.co.uk were offering an SMS messaging service for would-be parents. Around the time of ovulation, men are advised "Tonight's the night", while ladies are directed : "It's time to get into bed."

It's hardly the sort of stuff to induce bodice-ripping sexual frenzy. Accordingly, we invited suggestions for more provocative missives. The prize is a copy of How to solve your child's sleep problems (laudanum, apparently), or a donation to Children in Need. Naturally, this provoked a flood of filth and crude innuendoe, which is hardly suitable material for a family site. Luckily, we're not a family site so here's the pick of the bunch.

First up are the short and sweet offerings. Sean Keeney reckons that "Who's your daddy?" would do the trick, while Emma is convinced that "Spread 'em lady" will create the appropriate ambience of lurv. Wm managed two lines with: "Him: Skip lunch. Her: Take two aspirin."

Inevitably, there were plenty of IT-based entries. None of them explains which message is for who, so you can work it out for yourselves. Colin MacDonald's mum would be less than impressed with: "About fucking time: Servicing due: Access violation required: Plug it in and give her some juice." DP Barrett undoubtedly sets girls' knees a quiver with: "Time for some socket programming: The probe tool needs some QA: Get ready to beta-test some push technology."

Some recklessly attempted a bit of poetry. The person known only as 'compgraphic' came over all lyrical with: "Put down that mobile phone, come home... and bring that mobile bone." Brian Code will not be threatening the Poet Laureat's position with: "Him: She's ready for some 'hot man chowder.' Get wine to uncork, she wants the pork. Forget your slump, it's time to hump. For her: The only unfertilized eggs should be in your fridge today. (White trash) Time to get preggers. Get hot and steamy, to get his creamy." Don't ring us Brian, we'll ring you.

It was a difficult decision to pick a winner from such high-calibre entries. Just pipped at the post is Julian Crooke with the commendable: "Him: Time to take the safety off your lamb cannon. Her: Fire in the hole." Nice one. The laurels, however, go to DA Barham's: "Her: Time to drop your Nokia's, baby... Him: Keep your hands free for a One to One." Note the subtle phone references. Very droll.

Congratulations to our winner and thanks to all those who entered. We're worried about you - seriously. ®'

Bootnote

German site zappybaby.de informs us that it allows female subscribers to personalise the messages sent to their spouses. The service is also available in Dutch. Who said that the French were the most romantic nation on earth?

Next gen security for virtualised datacentres

More from The Register

next story
MEN WANTED to satisfy town full of yearning BRAZILIAN HOTNESS
'Prettier, better organised, more harmonious than if men were in charge'
Cops baffled by riddle of CHICKEN who crossed ROAD
'Officers were unable to determine Chicken's intent'
Yes, but what are your plans if a DRAGON attacks?
Local UK gov outs most ridiculous FoI requests...
Drunkards warned: If you can't walk in a straight line, don't shop online, you fool!
Put it away boys. Cover them up ladies. Your credit cards, we mean
Why your mum was WRONG about whiffy tattooed people
They're a future source of RENEWABLE ENERGY
Murder accused DIDN'T ask Siri 'how to hide my roommate'
US court hears of cached browser image - not actual request
Chomp that sausage: Brits just LOVE scoffing a Full Monty
Sales of traditional brekkie foods soar as hungry folk get their mitts greasy
prev story

Whitepapers

Endpoint data privacy in the cloud is easier than you think
Innovations in encryption and storage resolve issues of data privacy and key requirements for companies to look for in a solution.
Implementing global e-invoicing with guaranteed legal certainty
Explaining the role local tax compliance plays in successful supply chain management and e-business and how leading global brands are addressing this.
Advanced data protection for your virtualized environments
Find a natural fit for optimizing protection for the often resource-constrained data protection process found in virtual environments.
Boost IT visibility and business value
How building a great service catalog relieves pressure points and demonstrates the value of IT service management.
Next gen security for virtualised datacentres
Legacy security solutions are inefficient due to the architectural differences between physical and virtual environments.