SCi to bash the Boches in Great Escape computer game

Now this is more like it. SCi Entertainment has bought the rights to World War II classic The Great Escape. Made in 1963, the film is based on a true story and contains such stars as James Garner, Donald Pleasance, Steve McQueen, James Donald and Charles Bronson.

Such is the raw, patriotic power (for both limeys and yankees) of the film that it should make every right-thinking man stand to attention with his hand on his heart and cry "why didn't they make the tunnel just that little bit longer?"

SCi plans to make a computer game of the epic and release it in about two years. It will be a "squad-based, action-adventure game". We can hardly wait - this is more like it, none of your sci-fi nonsense or weirdy-beardy Dungeons & Dragons games. This is a game about men for men. Don't it make ya wanna roar in testosteronic joy?

But we must also impress on SCi the importance of keeping the vision pure. We want sadistic Nazis with strong accents, we want stiff upper lips, ludicrously posh British accents, stroppy Yanks. We want to be caught out trying to get on buses ("Here you go, sir." "Thankyou very much." Doh!), we want motorbikes and barbed wire and short, blind bald blokes. We need world-beating moustaches and moonshine, baseball banging and sand-packed pants.

And, in recognition of this great British legacy (we'll overlook the fact that it was in fact a complete disaster and most of our boys that did get out were murdered by the SS), the Stock Exchange proudly added over 6 per cent to SCi's share value today.

The weight of history is upon you, SCi. Good luck, chaps! ®