Captain Cyborg promises never to fake an orgasm again

Cyberchump returns with another harebrained scheme

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. He's at it again.

Everyone's favourite cyberchump, Prof. Kevin Warwick, plans to implant himself and his long-suffering wife Irena with chips enabling them to transmit and receive signals from each other's nervous systems. Kev says the £250,000 microchips will enable them to literally feel what the other is feeling.

"The implication could be never faking an orgasm again," quips Kev. The £500,000 experiment (that's two chips at £250,000 each) is due to run for four weeks and will include 'sexual excitement' and the swapping of sensations including excitement, pain and movement (bowel movement?). The chips will be linked to an 'ordinary' computer which will also enable Mr and Mrs Warwick to swap smells, sights and tastes.

Seeing as they'll be connected together by wires, perhaps talking would be a cheaper alternative.

Asked about any risks involved in the experiment, the prof says: "The biggest problem, apart from possible nerve damage and loss of feeling or movement, is mental. Will my brain be able to cope?

"The biggest risk is that I could go crazy."

Too late, Kev. Too late. ®

More from the Wacky World of Warwick

Waking up to Warwick: is the media-obsessed fantasist on the way out?
Robot domination just a few headlines away
Warwick Watch: SFX, lies and masking tape
Oh no! Here comes Captain Cyborg again