Feeds

Click here for furniture porn!

Look at the cushions on that....

  • alert
  • submit to reddit

High performance access to file storage

WARNING! This article contains material some armchair-lovers may find offensive....

The quest for kinky online filth ends here - with furnitureporn.com.

This site has everything sleazemeisters could ask for. What self-respecting porn offering would be without a ménage a trois, bondage scene and office bonking? Only difference is that the 'participants' in the antics are all chairs.

Meet Lance the overstuffed armchair and his partner choice Debbi - a cheeky pink baroque specimen. Click on the pictures and spy on what they get up to, and what positions they get up to it in, when their owner's away.

Or for the more adventurous there's the bondage seat - all trussed up and being told that "deep, deep down you WANT to be punished". Ahem. It's enough to make any self-respecting perv blush - even if it is only a black leather seat with a bit of rope tied round it.

Viewers to the site first have to agree to a few conditions, including admitting to the fact that they are a "computer nerd over the legal adult lawful age of consent in my country, state, county, city and /or incorporated village and too scared to go inside a store and buy real pornography".

Once through this stage it only takes one click of the "Yes! I want to see hot, triple XXX chair-on-chair action!" and they're inside this depraved soft furnishings cyberworld run by a Los Angeles comedy group.

The top scenario has got to be the office interview, with wooden Miss White teasing leather swivel-chair Mr Brown with: "I want you to know Mr Brown, that I don't take off my antimacassar for just anyone."

'Nuff said, you can imagine the rest - this little vixen, sorry piece of furniture, manages to bag more than a new job by the end of session. ®

Related Stories

Porn queen Danni fights to hold record breaker crown
Cape Town porn shocker is a night mayor
Dangerous folk, Net sex and porn round up
US judge backs porn

High performance access to file storage

More from The Register

next story
Forget the beach 'n' boardwalk, check out the Santa Cruz STEVE JOBS FOUNTAIN
Reg reader snaps shot of touching tribute to Apple icon
Happy 40th Playmobil: Reg looks back at small, rude world of our favourite tiny toys
Little men straddle LOHAN, attend tiny G20 Summit... ah, sweet memories...
Oz bank in comedy Heartbleed blog FAIL
Bank: 'We are now safely patched.' Customers: 'You were using OpenSSL?'
Lego is the TOOL OF SATAN, thunders Polish priest
New minifigs like Monster Fighters are turning kids to the dark side
Dark SITH LORD 'Darth Vader' joins battle to rule, er, Ukraine
Only I can 'make an empire out of a republic' intones presidential candidate
Chinese company counters pollution by importing fresh air
Citizens line up for bags of that sweet, sweet mountain air
Google asks April Fools: Want a job? Be our 'Pokemon Master'
Mountain View is prankin' like it's 1999...
prev story

Whitepapers

Mainstay ROI - Does application security pay?
In this whitepaper learn how you and your enterprise might benefit from better software security.
Five 3D headsets to be won!
We were so impressed by the Durovis Dive headset we’ve asked the company to give some away to Reg readers.
3 Big data security analytics techniques
Applying these Big Data security analytics techniques can help you make your business safer by detecting attacks early, before significant damage is done.
The benefits of software based PBX
Why you should break free from your proprietary PBX and how to leverage your existing server hardware.
Mobile application security study
Download this report to see the alarming realities regarding the sheer number of applications vulnerable to attack, as well as the most common and easily addressable vulnerability errors.