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Internet Security Threat Report 2014

WARNING! This article contains material some armchair-lovers may find offensive....

The quest for kinky online filth ends here - with furnitureporn.com.

This site has everything sleazemeisters could ask for. What self-respecting porn offering would be without a ménage a trois, bondage scene and office bonking? Only difference is that the 'participants' in the antics are all chairs.

Meet Lance the overstuffed armchair and his partner choice Debbi - a cheeky pink baroque specimen. Click on the pictures and spy on what they get up to, and what positions they get up to it in, when their owner's away.

Or for the more adventurous there's the bondage seat - all trussed up and being told that "deep, deep down you WANT to be punished". Ahem. It's enough to make any self-respecting perv blush - even if it is only a black leather seat with a bit of rope tied round it.

Viewers to the site first have to agree to a few conditions, including admitting to the fact that they are a "computer nerd over the legal adult lawful age of consent in my country, state, county, city and /or incorporated village and too scared to go inside a store and buy real pornography".

Once through this stage it only takes one click of the "Yes! I want to see hot, triple XXX chair-on-chair action!" and they're inside this depraved soft furnishings cyberworld run by a Los Angeles comedy group.

The top scenario has got to be the office interview, with wooden Miss White teasing leather swivel-chair Mr Brown with: "I want you to know Mr Brown, that I don't take off my antimacassar for just anyone."

'Nuff said, you can imagine the rest - this little vixen, sorry piece of furniture, manages to bag more than a new job by the end of session. ®

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