Feeds

Click here for furniture porn!

Look at the cushions on that....

  • alert
  • submit to reddit

Internet Security Threat Report 2014

WARNING! This article contains material some armchair-lovers may find offensive....

The quest for kinky online filth ends here - with furnitureporn.com.

This site has everything sleazemeisters could ask for. What self-respecting porn offering would be without a ménage a trois, bondage scene and office bonking? Only difference is that the 'participants' in the antics are all chairs.

Meet Lance the overstuffed armchair and his partner choice Debbi - a cheeky pink baroque specimen. Click on the pictures and spy on what they get up to, and what positions they get up to it in, when their owner's away.

Or for the more adventurous there's the bondage seat - all trussed up and being told that "deep, deep down you WANT to be punished". Ahem. It's enough to make any self-respecting perv blush - even if it is only a black leather seat with a bit of rope tied round it.

Viewers to the site first have to agree to a few conditions, including admitting to the fact that they are a "computer nerd over the legal adult lawful age of consent in my country, state, county, city and /or incorporated village and too scared to go inside a store and buy real pornography".

Once through this stage it only takes one click of the "Yes! I want to see hot, triple XXX chair-on-chair action!" and they're inside this depraved soft furnishings cyberworld run by a Los Angeles comedy group.

The top scenario has got to be the office interview, with wooden Miss White teasing leather swivel-chair Mr Brown with: "I want you to know Mr Brown, that I don't take off my antimacassar for just anyone."

'Nuff said, you can imagine the rest - this little vixen, sorry piece of furniture, manages to bag more than a new job by the end of session. ®

Related Stories

Porn queen Danni fights to hold record breaker crown
Cape Town porn shocker is a night mayor
Dangerous folk, Net sex and porn round up
US judge backs porn

Beginner's guide to SSL certificates

More from The Register

next story
WRISTJOB LOVE BONANZA: justWatch sex app promises blind date hookups
Mankind shuffles into the future, five fingers at a time
Every billionaire needs a PANZER TANK, right? STOP THERE, Paul Allen
Angry Microsoftie hauls auctioneers to court over stalled Pzkw. IV 'deal'
Apple's Mr Havisham: Tim Cook says dead Steve Jobs' office has remained untouched
'I literally think about him every day' says biz baron's old friend
Cops apologise for leaving EXPLOSIVES in suitcase at airport
'Canine training exercise' SNAFU sees woman take home booming baggage
Oi, London thief. We KNOW what you're doing - our PRECRIME system warned us
Aye, shipmate, it be just like that Minority Report
Flaming drone batteries ground commercial flight before takeoff
Passenger had Something To Declare, instead fiddled while plane burned
prev story

Whitepapers

Providing a secure and efficient Helpdesk
A single remote control platform for user support is be key to providing an efficient helpdesk. Retain full control over the way in which screen and keystroke data is transmitted.
WIN a very cool portable ZX Spectrum
Win a one-off portable Spectrum built by legendary hardware hacker Ben Heck
Saudi Petroleum chooses Tegile storage solution
A storage solution that addresses company growth and performance for business-critical applications of caseware archive and search along with other key operational systems.
Protecting users from Firesheep and other Sidejacking attacks with SSL
Discussing the vulnerabilities inherent in Wi-Fi networks, and how using TLS/SSL for your entire site will assure security.
Security for virtualized datacentres
Legacy security solutions are inefficient due to the architectural differences between physical and virtual environments.