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Intel, Spinola innocent

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Internet Security Threat Report 2014

On the very day that the FTC ended its investigation into Intel Story: Curtains finally close on FTC Intel gig, the FBI's file on the notorious Spinola family was also finally closed.

The FBI team working on the investigation which began in September 1997 and covered all aspects of Spinola's business announced the decision earlier today:

"Upon further review of this matter, it now appears that no further action is warranted by the Bureau at this time," said a Bureau spokesman. "Accordingly, pursuant to authority delegated by the Bureau, the investigation has been closed."

"Following the receipt of large sums of evidence, we have decided that it is time to leave this honest family of business people alone," added Lieutenant Bunny P. Erson, smoking a large cigar and wearing a gold Rolex.

"The closure of the investigation reflects our view that Spinola Import and Export conducts its business in an ethical and lawful manner," said Sonny Pastrami, spokesman for the Spinolas. "It also reflects the constructive, professional and, above all, financial relationship between us and the Bureau throughout this investigation."

The Bureau has also closed its investigation of whether Spinola's acquisition of Gambling Chips and Technologies Inc. or equity stake in Realgroovyman3D had any anti-competitive effect on any markets for drugs, prostitution, gambling or chipsets.

"Those Feds ain't as stupid as they look," added Pastrami. "When they saw the offer we put on the table, there was no way they could refuse." ®

Related stories

Curtains finally close on FTC Intel gig
FTC should re-open Intel investigation
FTC lets Intel off the hook

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