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Fuel crisis causes Mayfair madness

We've changed our minds - shoot all protestors

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The protests may be over but the actions of farmers, hauliers, dentists and lion-tamers moaning about the high cost of fuel have had unsuspected and dire effects. It struck home last night that this kind of thing must never be allowed to happen again. The Old Monk pub is nearly dry. London Pride? No. Bombadier? Nope. Theakston? Fraid not. What do you have? Adnams. Three pints of Adnams then.

Under further interrogation, Mexican barman Juan admitted that it was down to the fuel crisis that deliveries had stopped. How long can we last out? He raised his hands and shook his head. This is serious people. There is a very real possibility that on a Friday night for chrissakes we will have to resort to cider.

And it's still going to take 14, 30, 60, 90 days, depending on who you believe, to get back to normal. Mike is putting a call through to Downing Street as we speak. Some things call for direct action. ®

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