[Not as diseased as most our flames, but it'll do. There is some tongue, some cheek and an uncanny description of ole Mike Magee]

I would like to sincerely complain about the tone and tenure of your Intel fanzine which you publish under the url www.theregister.co.uk.

Your level of reporting is so far beyond objective that your articles almost fall into the category of comedy. I have become, by force of torture, an avid reader of your rantings, mainly so I can show my peers what they shouldn't be reading on the Internet.

If I had to draw a picture of you personally in my minds eye, I would probably come up with some twisted Scotsman, in his (late) 40's, who has nothing better to do than to sit around in some pub, somewhere in the backwaters of California, drinking endless rounds of silver tequila and carrying on some fantastical discussion with a bearded German professor-type reporter.

If this were a true depiction of you and I were to see this face in person, I would be left with only two options:

1) Put my fist into it

or seeing as I am a pacifist and a wimp,

2) Buy you a drink to keep your mouth busy

My only hope is that your fanboy worship of Intel will lead them to buy out your little heathen journal so you can retire gracefully to some sunny, tropical island and leave the rest of humanity alone

I remain,

yours sincerely

Sebastian Samek