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Register denies ‘Private Eye’ slur

It's a disgrace, says respectable Internet news service

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Internet Security Threat Report 2014

Ashen-faced staff at leading Internet newswire The Register were today trying to come to terms with scurrilous accusations in The Guardian that they were little better than an online version of tawdry scandal mag, Private Eye.

In an in-depth profile in Monday's edition, a Guardian writer described The Register as "the web's answer to Private Eye".

"It's so unfair," sobbed tearful staffer Kieren McCarthy, taking out a small onion. "What will my mum say when she finds out? She thinks I've got a proper job."

The entire Register readership (Sid and Doris Birtles) rushed to the Reg's defence: "It's typical of the Guardian to get it wrong. Everything in The Register is 100 per cent true, except for the news stories, obviously."

Cab driver Richard Barry (cab no. 666) added: "I had that Mike Magee in the back of the cab once and you can still see the fag burns in the upholstery."

And hardware editor Andrew Thomas ranted: "Why wasn't I in the photograph? It's a bloody disgrace, I mean (cont. P.94) ®

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